how much do you owe?
I received a phone text from mom.
“Your study loan payback is overdue to 2k”.
Being reactivated by that, and all the voices in my head, I replied-
“Thanks for the information. As long as I don’t get additional 1k for my salary, I’ll stick to pay 100 per month”.
And mom replied, “It’s not for you to choose!”
If I just bluntly followed my way of being at that time, I will be like a wild boar ramming into everything in front of it. I was even about to reply,
“Yeah, and it’s not my choice to have such a measly salary but it’s my choice to live the way I want it to be. So what? Jealous?”
You see, my being above is a very clear example of how humans can easily go into that unproductive mode- complaining, bitching, running away from life. Totally disempowering and things ain’t gonna get better.
I got hold of myself and asked myself-
What happened actually?
Mom just informed me something useful and important, and that’s it!
Nothing else happened!
I slipped into that human instinct- trying to react towards a pseudo life threatening danger in front of him. Well, it’s useful when you are running away from a tiger, or a hurricane, or a coming train, but not when your mom tells you something and then you react.
So I just focus on the facts-
So it’s fact that I am required to pay 2k in a chunk.
So it’s fact that I don’t have that much money.
But instead of seeing life as surviving through it,
Why don’t I just see this situation as another game.
It doesn’t matter if I lose the game- the worst would just be further interest being added on the sum of the overdue debt. There ain’t no tiger to come pouncing on me at all.
But if I play full out in this game, who knows, I’ll get to clear the 2k in no time.
So. The ball is in my court.
Hm. Time to put that fear away already.
Next step done- I’ve sent a message to mom-
“Sorry, I know you’re worried.
The people will continue to add on the interest.
But I’ll do my best.”
p/s: to cheat my way to comfort- I can just look at the theory that all of us have debts, and we'll just have to work it out. Hik.
at 2:18 AM