After the final decision of moving on with my life, of course sometimes these little thoughts do visit thinking what a huge defeat it is to lose all possibilities to get into a relationship with someone that I think really perfect for me. Hot looks, designer stubble, very well toned body, six packs abs, fashionable, working as an engineer, and the friendliest kindest ever.
However, fact in life is fact in life. If I couldn’t be with him, it doesn’t mean I have to destroy this good friendship.
So tomorrow I am going to fetch him to attend to a very close friend’s wedding.
What I resist will persist.
So I am embracing this friendship.
And.
I create that I will get into a lasting relationship with someone who is as hot, as handsome, as well toned, as well mannered, as talented, and works in the professional field. Just like him.
Never mind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you.
Showing posts with label personal life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal life. Show all posts
move on move on
A little talk on the phone with my first former lover. A chat with an old friend while eating roti john and len chee kang nearby my office. And the joy of walking along the pasar malam and a haircut, with a short relieving massage by the Indian barber.
It gave me insights for me to see what opens up for me.
To seek someone to be in a relationship, should not be a struggle. Our love story is already a scripture by God. Why the desperation? Why the rush? Just continue searching and have faith that bliss will come.
I do know that I am a powerful person. There is so much opportunity in life awaits in front of me, if I go beyond being stuck right now.
What I saw is that I wasn’t accepting. I was resisting. What you resist, persists.
So what if that person didn’t love me?
There is always other doors opened for me.
Now I accept.
Now I forgive you for the mistakes that you never done.
Now I forgive what’s there and embrace it.
Now I forgive myself for me being this way.
I am free. I am liberated. I am still a stand on finding that goodlooking guy, to fall in love as helpless as how I love him too.
It gave me insights for me to see what opens up for me.
To seek someone to be in a relationship, should not be a struggle. Our love story is already a scripture by God. Why the desperation? Why the rush? Just continue searching and have faith that bliss will come.
I do know that I am a powerful person. There is so much opportunity in life awaits in front of me, if I go beyond being stuck right now.
What I saw is that I wasn’t accepting. I was resisting. What you resist, persists.
So what if that person didn’t love me?
There is always other doors opened for me.
Now I accept.
Now I forgive you for the mistakes that you never done.
Now I forgive what’s there and embrace it.
Now I forgive myself for me being this way.
I am free. I am liberated. I am still a stand on finding that goodlooking guy, to fall in love as helpless as how I love him too.
chasing pavements
Relatively to my other friends, I am a person who is on the melancholic side. Or to describe it, I am prone to show my emotional side to the world. Through experience that have taught me, I try my best not to have anyone badly affected or annoyed by it though.
However, last night I fell into the pit again.
My former partner called me to inform that he was at my apartment. He was about to collect all his clothes.
That was the point where I felt sad. It’s like another clear indicator of me being single.
“Are you really taking everything?”
“Well, I am not sure but I took everything that was in my sight. Including the tissue box.”
“How about the bear?”
“No, that bear is yours.”
“So nothing left?”
“There is something left for sure. The memories of the yester-years.”
“That doesn’t make it sound any better.”
“Well, if I leave some stuff it doesn’t mean I can still go back there. Me and my new partner, we try to avoid doing things that can cause suspicion to the other party.”
I left the gym quickly and wanted to go back home.
I was also thinking about that "candidate" that I really liked, that gave me fuzzy feelings if I can share my life with him.
He seem to treat me only as a friend and nothing more.
I am pondering what should I do. and as I popped in Adele in my stereo and Chasing Pavements, my mind was distracted. I accidentally reversed into the bumper of another car at the parking lot. And had to pay 250 bucks for that.
I drove on the highway and got lost.
Last night was one of the worst. I felt as if losing hope and not wanting to drag my feet an inch further in this life.
I drove and wailed out loud.
And wailed.
And wailed.
And cried.
And sobbed.
And wailed.
Releasing whatever is in my chest.
Made my way to PJ and parked. Looked at the hideous scratch on my car.
Waited for my friends and felt much better.
And this was the advice given to me.
"Erm. About that friend you are hitting on to.
He just shared to me that you gave him signs on your trail of phone messages.
He said to me he regards you as one of his very close friend, and he felt awkward.
I'm just saying this so that you will feel a bit clear from this confusion."
"Two things that you can do. You can either give up,
or you can take on just allowing things to be. If you really want him,
relax, just give and perhaps it would be like in the movies. He will accept you."
Should I give up or
Should I keep on chasing pavements
Even if it leads to no where?
I am doing neither. I just leave it to God.
However, last night I fell into the pit again.
My former partner called me to inform that he was at my apartment. He was about to collect all his clothes.
That was the point where I felt sad. It’s like another clear indicator of me being single.
“Are you really taking everything?”
“Well, I am not sure but I took everything that was in my sight. Including the tissue box.”
“How about the bear?”
“No, that bear is yours.”
“So nothing left?”
“There is something left for sure. The memories of the yester-years.”
“That doesn’t make it sound any better.”
“Well, if I leave some stuff it doesn’t mean I can still go back there. Me and my new partner, we try to avoid doing things that can cause suspicion to the other party.”
I left the gym quickly and wanted to go back home.
I was also thinking about that "candidate" that I really liked, that gave me fuzzy feelings if I can share my life with him.
He seem to treat me only as a friend and nothing more.
I am pondering what should I do. and as I popped in Adele in my stereo and Chasing Pavements, my mind was distracted. I accidentally reversed into the bumper of another car at the parking lot. And had to pay 250 bucks for that.
I drove on the highway and got lost.
Last night was one of the worst. I felt as if losing hope and not wanting to drag my feet an inch further in this life.
I drove and wailed out loud.
And wailed.
And wailed.
And cried.
And sobbed.
And wailed.
Releasing whatever is in my chest.
Made my way to PJ and parked. Looked at the hideous scratch on my car.
Waited for my friends and felt much better.
And this was the advice given to me.
"Erm. About that friend you are hitting on to.
He just shared to me that you gave him signs on your trail of phone messages.
He said to me he regards you as one of his very close friend, and he felt awkward.
I'm just saying this so that you will feel a bit clear from this confusion."
"Two things that you can do. You can either give up,
or you can take on just allowing things to be. If you really want him,
relax, just give and perhaps it would be like in the movies. He will accept you."
Should I give up or
Should I keep on chasing pavements
Even if it leads to no where?
I am doing neither. I just leave it to God.
my dream
It has been a few months since we decided to
transform this relationship into just good friends.
Of course there is freedom in both sides.
I am creating that my future partner is someone who is very hot to my eyes,
have the same interest in life, and someone who can walk the same path
as me, reasonable, helping each other when in need.
I've reached to a level where I got to know a few very hot guys
but somehow they seem to be distant from me.
So far non of them has the eagerness to meet me,
and they seem to be reluctant to reply my message or answer my calls.
I was the one who created this dream and
although it seem far fetched,
I still pray and seek for that hot guy to come
and share our lives together.
Shouldn't give up just yet.
transform this relationship into just good friends.
Of course there is freedom in both sides.
I am creating that my future partner is someone who is very hot to my eyes,
have the same interest in life, and someone who can walk the same path
as me, reasonable, helping each other when in need.
I've reached to a level where I got to know a few very hot guys
but somehow they seem to be distant from me.
So far non of them has the eagerness to meet me,
and they seem to be reluctant to reply my message or answer my calls.
I was the one who created this dream and
although it seem far fetched,
I still pray and seek for that hot guy to come
and share our lives together.
Shouldn't give up just yet.
the challenge as a graphic designer
the challenges as a graphic designer
Two years back I took the role to be a freelance designer, and I am privileged to receive a project or two every month.
True as what my designer friend said, you will be constantly be required to do amendments again and again til the customer gets satisfied.
The recent project was such a pressure. The client is extremely fussy, even more particular than the requests given from my main client. The person in charge kept on pestering me to amend the namelist on the production poster, align the wordings so that they are exactly 100% straight, keeping on changing the background color and graphics on it. I had to send her version by version even when I am busy attending a training at the office.
I understand her commitment to give the best poster to her team, but sometimes it gets so frustrating.
Oh well, this is the way it is.
Two years back I took the role to be a freelance designer, and I am privileged to receive a project or two every month.
True as what my designer friend said, you will be constantly be required to do amendments again and again til the customer gets satisfied.
The recent project was such a pressure. The client is extremely fussy, even more particular than the requests given from my main client. The person in charge kept on pestering me to amend the namelist on the production poster, align the wordings so that they are exactly 100% straight, keeping on changing the background color and graphics on it. I had to send her version by version even when I am busy attending a training at the office.
I understand her commitment to give the best poster to her team, but sometimes it gets so frustrating.
Oh well, this is the way it is.
hi there, it's nearly end of the year.
Yes, this blog is actually eligible to be closed down due to its very long inactivity. I wonder who is still checking out my blog. Perhaps they landed on my site from clicking on their google results.
Updates of changes of my life, compared to the last time I wrote my post- well, I am still in the same relationship. Relationships are a challenge but I guess the way we are designed, we do need to be in a relationship. How about me? Why do I want to stay?
It is still a mystery to me. Maybe deep inside me I know that having someone who sincerely cares for you is as rare as getting to meet some mega pop star for the States. I’ve met so many hot people out there, but I got to be real, none of them do take any step to come to me and say, “hey I wanna be with you and take care of you the rest of my life”.
In other parts of my life, well, I’ve got a car! And started to live with my parents and my apartment is left collecting dust. Okay, once a while I go there watering my plants.
I’ve also travelled a few times. Got to watch a good musical in Singapore, went to Bangkok and met Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Will Smith, Nicole Kidman and even Lady Gaga! Well, they are the wax dolls in Madam Tussaude.
Achieved some, lose some. Too many things in life to jot down in one single post.
I am no perfect. In fact, I can even put myself in the label of people who are spiteful, bitter, mean, evil, and heartless and karma goes back to me. But what’s the point of continuing sitting at the corner blaming myself but not doing anything? The world is still the same regardless that you cry in regret or cheer in joy. But putting yourself out of an emotional state will make you take action and that action will make a difference.
Okay, so this my first comeback post. Trying not to think too much whether my writing will be perfect enough to read. Important thing is, I’m starting to use these letters on my keyboard again.
Updates of changes of my life, compared to the last time I wrote my post- well, I am still in the same relationship. Relationships are a challenge but I guess the way we are designed, we do need to be in a relationship. How about me? Why do I want to stay?
It is still a mystery to me. Maybe deep inside me I know that having someone who sincerely cares for you is as rare as getting to meet some mega pop star for the States. I’ve met so many hot people out there, but I got to be real, none of them do take any step to come to me and say, “hey I wanna be with you and take care of you the rest of my life”.
In other parts of my life, well, I’ve got a car! And started to live with my parents and my apartment is left collecting dust. Okay, once a while I go there watering my plants.
I’ve also travelled a few times. Got to watch a good musical in Singapore, went to Bangkok and met Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Will Smith, Nicole Kidman and even Lady Gaga! Well, they are the wax dolls in Madam Tussaude.
Achieved some, lose some. Too many things in life to jot down in one single post.
I am no perfect. In fact, I can even put myself in the label of people who are spiteful, bitter, mean, evil, and heartless and karma goes back to me. But what’s the point of continuing sitting at the corner blaming myself but not doing anything? The world is still the same regardless that you cry in regret or cheer in joy. But putting yourself out of an emotional state will make you take action and that action will make a difference.
Okay, so this my first comeback post. Trying not to think too much whether my writing will be perfect enough to read. Important thing is, I’m starting to use these letters on my keyboard again.
affirmation
As I reflect on myself of what has happened onto me, of this relationship which, if not totally gone, is in its comma state, I realize that this grief, no matter how real it is, has no further effect of moving anything anywhere.
Poetic words and sad songs can only accompany a troubled heart full of sorrow, but I need to step up and do something if I want things to change and improve.
It is a fact that someone I dear has totally lost hope on me and has put off the light in his heart.
It’s close to impossible, but if I believe in myself, I might get him back.
Even all these writing above, is just an expression of me writing it. No good thing can come out of the above if I don’t take any action at all.
Wake up! It’s just too fair for me having the chance of having my dear dear still around with me, I should cherish it and prove it to him. No, prove it to myself actually.
What matters is not that he loves me back.
What matters is that I do love him.
Like he said, I know what he wants. So give it to him.
And I need to be closer to God as well. I’ve let myself astray too much.
Here we go.
P/S: to an old friend (who is also having trouble in his relationship), I am grateful for us being support buddies and to believe that we can make things better. We, are responsible of the things that we have, and the relationship that we are in.
Poetic words and sad songs can only accompany a troubled heart full of sorrow, but I need to step up and do something if I want things to change and improve.
It is a fact that someone I dear has totally lost hope on me and has put off the light in his heart.
It’s close to impossible, but if I believe in myself, I might get him back.
Even all these writing above, is just an expression of me writing it. No good thing can come out of the above if I don’t take any action at all.
Wake up! It’s just too fair for me having the chance of having my dear dear still around with me, I should cherish it and prove it to him. No, prove it to myself actually.
What matters is not that he loves me back.
What matters is that I do love him.
Like he said, I know what he wants. So give it to him.
And I need to be closer to God as well. I’ve let myself astray too much.
Here we go.
P/S: to an old friend (who is also having trouble in his relationship), I am grateful for us being support buddies and to believe that we can make things better. We, are responsible of the things that we have, and the relationship that we are in.
quotes.
Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable.
The bitterest tears shed are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
The saddest thing in the world, is to love someone who used to love you.
The bitterest tears shed are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
The saddest thing in the world, is to love someone who used to love you.
if it's you
If It’s You
I always saw you smiling
I knew from the moment I saw you
If it’s you, If it’s you, if the person by my side
Is you, if it’s just the two of us together
Forever is possible~
Darling, I will smile only for you
Darling, again for your sake, I will shed tears for you
If I could only love one person my entire life,
Just one person, it would be you
I saw your sad expression
The tears I saw for the first time, pained me
If it was me, if it was me, by your side,
If it was me, if we were together~
We can be happy~
Darling, I will always stay by your side
Darling, I will live only for you
If I could only have only one love my entire life, just one,
That person would only be you
Like a tree with deep roots
When the wind blows
I will take the brunt of whatever comes to you
Be my magnificent flower
That blooms on my branch
Forever~
Darling, I will only love you
Darling, I will live only for you
If I could fall in love once, just once,
The person I would fall in love with would be you
Darling, I’ll love only once, just once,
And that person is you
delusional
Tears, tears, tears.
I wish I could just sleep it out and when I wake up it’s nothing more than just a nightmare.
This is an ultimate test from God to teach me that I have to change.
At my age now, friends already have their houses that they call a home, a good transport, traveled around the world, savings for the future and for retirement. And the most important thing, they have someone they love so much who takes care of them.
“Thank you for everything. Take good care of yourself”, that was what the person that I love said, and there is no love to offer to me anymore.
How should I take good care of myself? I am left lost wandering in the middle of nowhere.
Freedom which means pain.
I love you, and I miss you.
I wish I could just sleep it out and when I wake up it’s nothing more than just a nightmare.
This is an ultimate test from God to teach me that I have to change.
At my age now, friends already have their houses that they call a home, a good transport, traveled around the world, savings for the future and for retirement. And the most important thing, they have someone they love so much who takes care of them.
“Thank you for everything. Take good care of yourself”, that was what the person that I love said, and there is no love to offer to me anymore.
How should I take good care of myself? I am left lost wandering in the middle of nowhere.
Freedom which means pain.
I love you, and I miss you.
me. you.
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door-
I understand
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door-
I understand
morning came but did not feel like a new day.
As we shared the night together for the last time as lovers, I was heartbroken again and again and again and again.
"How to make you understand? We will be better off as friends," you said.
Your calmness puzzles me, astounded me, killing me.
You have reached to that level of "If you love somebody, let the person go".
It means that you are already have moved on, jumping on the train leaving me behind.
I sobbed uncontrollably, inside your hug, and this heart will never be able to let you go.
I love you so much dear.
"How to make you understand? We will be better off as friends," you said.
Your calmness puzzles me, astounded me, killing me.
You have reached to that level of "If you love somebody, let the person go".
It means that you are already have moved on, jumping on the train leaving me behind.
I sobbed uncontrollably, inside your hug, and this heart will never be able to let you go.
I love you so much dear.
dear dear.
They say, best work of art is created by those with a troubled heart.
Just a thought. Never mine will be a work of art.
Staring at the PC monitor.
Walking out of the office, staring my reflection at the washroom mirror.
Entering the lift, going down to the ground floor. Entering the washroom and staring at the mirror.
Time stood still, and I am trapped in it.
My mind refuses to think, as when I think, the heart cracks even more.
Especially when I know that I’m the fool to cause the wreck of my life.
Someone dear to me decided to move on.
Flashback images of the nice times together, naturally poured in.
The most painful part has yet to come, when I really realize that this is reality.
Of course, I am in this denial, hoping that at least there is some love left for me.
Holding a crumpled receipt, flattened it, fold it into small piece.
Staring at the empty mug, and the office feels even more cold as the body temperature went a micro degree down.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Forcing myself not to type any sms, not because I am giving up, but because I don’t want him to get dizzy and disturbed again.
Thank you dear dear for always being there.
Thank you dear dear for the million things that you did for me.
Thank you dear dear for your care, when I am sick, when I am lost, when I am in need.
Thank you dear dear for just being there.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
There are SO many memories that I share with dear dear.
I love you dear dear.
Just a thought. Never mine will be a work of art.
Staring at the PC monitor.
Walking out of the office, staring my reflection at the washroom mirror.
Entering the lift, going down to the ground floor. Entering the washroom and staring at the mirror.
Time stood still, and I am trapped in it.
My mind refuses to think, as when I think, the heart cracks even more.
Especially when I know that I’m the fool to cause the wreck of my life.
Someone dear to me decided to move on.
Flashback images of the nice times together, naturally poured in.
The most painful part has yet to come, when I really realize that this is reality.
Of course, I am in this denial, hoping that at least there is some love left for me.
Holding a crumpled receipt, flattened it, fold it into small piece.
Staring at the empty mug, and the office feels even more cold as the body temperature went a micro degree down.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Forcing myself not to type any sms, not because I am giving up, but because I don’t want him to get dizzy and disturbed again.
Thank you dear dear for always being there.
Thank you dear dear for the million things that you did for me.
Thank you dear dear for your care, when I am sick, when I am lost, when I am in need.
Thank you dear dear for just being there.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
There are SO many memories that I share with dear dear.
I love you dear dear.
let it go
A person with Asperger syndrome has extra capabilities on calculating, strategizing, doing mapping on logical subjects. However he has lower ability when it comes to affection, emotions, and human touch. When he is angry, he will simply hit the other, or if the other touches him, he will hit them too.
When things are not logical or not happening in order, ie: layout of house not according to map, or classes do not happen according to timetable, or people not telling the facts or the truth, he will fall sick, and vomit, because it is “not logical”.
He finds it difficult to channel his emotions to actions like crying, laughing or such. He would either keep quiet, groan, vomit or hit people.
The above is just my own understanding on these people, after reading “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time”. A dog got killed and a boy with Asperger tried to solve the mystery.
If a person with Aperger’s syndrome relies on the truth and the FACTS,
Below is something different-
I am writing below not based on facts but what I feel.
So bear with me. This is just a ranting to clear my chest off.
I am not really in an empowered mode right now.
My whole IT department, has the probability of 90% to be outsourced by the company. Well, in other words, we ARE going to be outsourced, and “90% possibility” is just a lame hope created by my own mind, clinging on the 10% possibility that it’s not going to happen.
On the bright side, we will be entering a whole new IT outsourcing company with an opportunity to learn and what not. But I can’t lie to myself that the whole department is upset, given up, whatever.
On the other hand,
I realized that I am no longer needed for graphic design in another company. Well, I have always known that the company now is flourishing and they have already employed a very good in-house designer, but only yesterday it dawned on me that my time is done.
I was really upset, but of course, they have logical and business reasons and they need to protect their interests.
Maybe it’s time for me to keep myself on the ground, aware that I am an outsider and I am not the hired graphic designer. I have to know my place.
All these challenges are the beginning of a scary adventure for me.
I looked at things that I have pasted on the wall of my cubicle. The theater promotional postcard that I designed using my own hands, which they have already altered accordingly, for the future performance. The pictures of celebrities, and some with me in those photos.
Yesterday’s achievement is today’s ego trip.
Time to put them all down.
Time to move on for a new adventure.
When things are not logical or not happening in order, ie: layout of house not according to map, or classes do not happen according to timetable, or people not telling the facts or the truth, he will fall sick, and vomit, because it is “not logical”.
He finds it difficult to channel his emotions to actions like crying, laughing or such. He would either keep quiet, groan, vomit or hit people.
The above is just my own understanding on these people, after reading “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time”. A dog got killed and a boy with Asperger tried to solve the mystery.
If a person with Aperger’s syndrome relies on the truth and the FACTS,
Below is something different-
I am writing below not based on facts but what I feel.
So bear with me. This is just a ranting to clear my chest off.
I am not really in an empowered mode right now.
My whole IT department, has the probability of 90% to be outsourced by the company. Well, in other words, we ARE going to be outsourced, and “90% possibility” is just a lame hope created by my own mind, clinging on the 10% possibility that it’s not going to happen.
On the bright side, we will be entering a whole new IT outsourcing company with an opportunity to learn and what not. But I can’t lie to myself that the whole department is upset, given up, whatever.
On the other hand,
I realized that I am no longer needed for graphic design in another company. Well, I have always known that the company now is flourishing and they have already employed a very good in-house designer, but only yesterday it dawned on me that my time is done.
I was really upset, but of course, they have logical and business reasons and they need to protect their interests.
Maybe it’s time for me to keep myself on the ground, aware that I am an outsider and I am not the hired graphic designer. I have to know my place.
All these challenges are the beginning of a scary adventure for me.
I looked at things that I have pasted on the wall of my cubicle. The theater promotional postcard that I designed using my own hands, which they have already altered accordingly, for the future performance. The pictures of celebrities, and some with me in those photos.
Yesterday’s achievement is today’s ego trip.
Time to put them all down.
Time to move on for a new adventure.
first few words of my 30th birthday
I’ve reached the age of “3 series”, that’s what Malaysians would say.
At this point, I am quite immersed into the pile of work at the office, getting back to practice to repair my trumpet skills, hanging out with my new dear-dear doing so much activities, working out so diligently at the gym, once a while stayed at my parents’ wrapping one or two door gifts for my sister’s wedding, and if I look at my schedule, it is getting busier and scarier all the time.
Elected as the photographer and second graphic designer for the coming Dreamgirls Broadway Musical Sensation which is to be staged at the national theater, I could foresee a chaotic fast-paced life ahead. Thousands of photos to take and edit. Burning the late night oil to squeeze ideas and materialize them on my HP Compaq to create the brochures, program book and photo book. Deadlines that make us almost die. A rollercoaster that not all of us have the privilege to be a part of making a huge project a success. Oh dear.
I am also now having one trumpet student to worry about, aware that he is much better than me in relative of years of playing picking up the trumpet. On my third year playing, my playing still sounds coarse, struggling, and wrong embouchure. On my student’s third year playing (which is the current year), he could play the scales until high F key effortlessly. And it seemed that the etudes that I throw in front of him is playable to him with no qualms or cringes at all. And the etudes are not for beginners, they are MY own collection of studies that I practice all the time. Plus, my student has an Arban book. The trumpet bible for professionals. What?!
And mentioning the trumpet, I’ve also created quite a significant possibility for myself- that is to be a soloist in the orchestra. This means a lot of practices to get back on the gang of good trumpeters, as I have been noticeably slacked out and it showed during the last Jazz Band performance for the Broadway Academy Talent Program.
No big success comes easy. It needs hard work.
And of course the main list of possibilities that I have created in my life for this year:
Being a RM6k worthy of IT personnel
Being fit & hot and maintaining 18 year old health status
Producing professional photography & graphic design
Being a soloist orchestra trumpeter
Yes, I am going to be very busy this year.
At this point, I am quite immersed into the pile of work at the office, getting back to practice to repair my trumpet skills, hanging out with my new dear-dear doing so much activities, working out so diligently at the gym, once a while stayed at my parents’ wrapping one or two door gifts for my sister’s wedding, and if I look at my schedule, it is getting busier and scarier all the time.
Elected as the photographer and second graphic designer for the coming Dreamgirls Broadway Musical Sensation which is to be staged at the national theater, I could foresee a chaotic fast-paced life ahead. Thousands of photos to take and edit. Burning the late night oil to squeeze ideas and materialize them on my HP Compaq to create the brochures, program book and photo book. Deadlines that make us almost die. A rollercoaster that not all of us have the privilege to be a part of making a huge project a success. Oh dear.
I am also now having one trumpet student to worry about, aware that he is much better than me in relative of years of playing picking up the trumpet. On my third year playing, my playing still sounds coarse, struggling, and wrong embouchure. On my student’s third year playing (which is the current year), he could play the scales until high F key effortlessly. And it seemed that the etudes that I throw in front of him is playable to him with no qualms or cringes at all. And the etudes are not for beginners, they are MY own collection of studies that I practice all the time. Plus, my student has an Arban book. The trumpet bible for professionals. What?!
And mentioning the trumpet, I’ve also created quite a significant possibility for myself- that is to be a soloist in the orchestra. This means a lot of practices to get back on the gang of good trumpeters, as I have been noticeably slacked out and it showed during the last Jazz Band performance for the Broadway Academy Talent Program.
No big success comes easy. It needs hard work.
And of course the main list of possibilities that I have created in my life for this year:
Being a RM6k worthy of IT personnel
Being fit & hot and maintaining 18 year old health status
Producing professional photography & graphic design
Being a soloist orchestra trumpeter
Yes, I am going to be very busy this year.
a start mid of march
Good afternoon!
Long time no see. (talking to my own site, attempting to be funny here).
What have I done in my life lately?
I have been totally out of track.
My current passion which is taking a huge chunk of my free time is working out at the gym, and I’ve been spending my weekend with dear-dear too.
Seriously I need to re-structure my life again.
My trumpet skills has gone down the drain.
Really, coming to orchestra practice once a week is not only insufficient, it will kill my lips, because it is not used to extreme weekly playing without constant practicing everyday.
It will kill my ego because the ten year old new trumpeter will be playing better than me.
It will also kill my passion because I might be thinking that I’ve lost interest, when actually I was the one not doing anything.
Darned. I don’t care, even if I go home at midnight, I am going to drag that mouthpiece to my mouth and at least do some basic drills.
And how about my photography passion?
I’ve been carrying the camera everywhere in my backpack, and I am becoming a camel.
With NO photography results. No shots, nothing spectacular.
They say, for new things to come in, you need to do housekeeping to manage and rearrange the old ones, and throw away the junk.
My Compaq is piled up with unsorted RAW images. No wonder there is no enthusiasm in snapping any piece of graphic art. Because my Compaq laptop is already a painful art.
So yeah, I am going to pack food for lunch, eat at my desk, and re-organize my photos.
I owe this blog so many photos to be posted already.
Let’s do this clean up as a start, shall we, before venturing forward to another huge possibility.
Long time no see. (talking to my own site, attempting to be funny here).
What have I done in my life lately?
I have been totally out of track.
My current passion which is taking a huge chunk of my free time is working out at the gym, and I’ve been spending my weekend with dear-dear too.
Seriously I need to re-structure my life again.
My trumpet skills has gone down the drain.
Really, coming to orchestra practice once a week is not only insufficient, it will kill my lips, because it is not used to extreme weekly playing without constant practicing everyday.
It will kill my ego because the ten year old new trumpeter will be playing better than me.
It will also kill my passion because I might be thinking that I’ve lost interest, when actually I was the one not doing anything.
Darned. I don’t care, even if I go home at midnight, I am going to drag that mouthpiece to my mouth and at least do some basic drills.
And how about my photography passion?
I’ve been carrying the camera everywhere in my backpack, and I am becoming a camel.
With NO photography results. No shots, nothing spectacular.
They say, for new things to come in, you need to do housekeeping to manage and rearrange the old ones, and throw away the junk.
My Compaq is piled up with unsorted RAW images. No wonder there is no enthusiasm in snapping any piece of graphic art. Because my Compaq laptop is already a painful art.
So yeah, I am going to pack food for lunch, eat at my desk, and re-organize my photos.
I owe this blog so many photos to be posted already.
Let’s do this clean up as a start, shall we, before venturing forward to another huge possibility.
love and hate in the world of photography
I love photography. It is not too easy to create a nice photo that makes people smile, but it is not too difficult either.
But mingling around with photographers is a tricky part.
I come to a generalization that photographers, if they are not strange people with odd behavior (something like you feel if you suddenly woke up surrounded by Ewoks), they are most likely to be very egoistic people passionate with gadgets, and their language is a bit rough than the common people do.
If you look at musicians and others involving in fine arts, they are sensitive and very expressive. If you look at sportsmen, they are rough, they punch at each other as a way to socialize.
If you mingle with photographers, they are a mixture and in between of the two characters.
It makes me a bit uncomfortable being around with them, fearing that I will get a big bash of critic on the photo work that I do. Or maybe I have bad PR? Oh well.
On the other side, it’s not that bad.
I was browsing through an old discussion forum post, where I proudly showcased my first few photos that I took so much effort to snap, using my Sony bridge/prosumer/superzoom/semi-pro camera.
And one of these evil photographers commented:
“Pointless”.
“What are you trying to show??”
“Congrats, you have killed the grass, the tree, the flower and the butterfly”.
“What is this?”
My heart went hancur-berderai.
Covering up feeling dreadful about it, I directly emailed him, well, since he thinks that he is good, I wanted some advice.
With that snobbish tone, he talked about bokeh, depth of field, story in the picture, and all the jargons, which I was instinctively forced to look up on the net.
I even vowed to have my photography skills up to another level.
Today, yeah, I still feel mad and awkward with that fella.
But when I looked back at the old discussion forum, I laughed.
Because what he commented on my old beginners photos, were true.
p/s- since it's a crude world in photography, be cautious when you shop for a camera, lens and its accessories. Some sellers are so rude and will critic your opinion like you are so stupid about photography. Get prepared, study the item first online, make an internet survey, or if you have no time, if they are so rude, just smile and say thank you. Go to other shops.
(This is just a generalization - not all photographers are like that)
But mingling around with photographers is a tricky part.
I come to a generalization that photographers, if they are not strange people with odd behavior (something like you feel if you suddenly woke up surrounded by Ewoks), they are most likely to be very egoistic people passionate with gadgets, and their language is a bit rough than the common people do.
If you look at musicians and others involving in fine arts, they are sensitive and very expressive. If you look at sportsmen, they are rough, they punch at each other as a way to socialize.
If you mingle with photographers, they are a mixture and in between of the two characters.
It makes me a bit uncomfortable being around with them, fearing that I will get a big bash of critic on the photo work that I do. Or maybe I have bad PR? Oh well.
On the other side, it’s not that bad.
I was browsing through an old discussion forum post, where I proudly showcased my first few photos that I took so much effort to snap, using my Sony bridge/prosumer/superzoom/semi-pro camera.
And one of these evil photographers commented:
“Pointless”.
“What are you trying to show??”
“Congrats, you have killed the grass, the tree, the flower and the butterfly”.
“What is this?”
My heart went hancur-berderai.
Covering up feeling dreadful about it, I directly emailed him, well, since he thinks that he is good, I wanted some advice.
With that snobbish tone, he talked about bokeh, depth of field, story in the picture, and all the jargons, which I was instinctively forced to look up on the net.
I even vowed to have my photography skills up to another level.
Today, yeah, I still feel mad and awkward with that fella.
But when I looked back at the old discussion forum, I laughed.
Because what he commented on my old beginners photos, were true.
p/s- since it's a crude world in photography, be cautious when you shop for a camera, lens and its accessories. Some sellers are so rude and will critic your opinion like you are so stupid about photography. Get prepared, study the item first online, make an internet survey, or if you have no time, if they are so rude, just smile and say thank you. Go to other shops.
(This is just a generalization - not all photographers are like that)
on a break
Dear readers,
I will be taking a period off from writing about my life.
Right now I am going through a phase of changing my life.
At this period of time, I am staying with my family whom I need
to be around with the most.
Til we meet again.
I will be taking a period off from writing about my life.
Right now I am going through a phase of changing my life.
At this period of time, I am staying with my family whom I need
to be around with the most.
Til we meet again.
taking chances
Months flew so ever fast.
Today, I am back having a boyfriend,
a very kind gentleman who always does his best
to have my world a better place.
Was it too fast?
It does feel a bit too fast.
I was even still in confusion when I accepted the proposal.
But he is the one of the kindest person on earth.
You will hardly find another in a million years.
And we are willing to take this chance to work out this relationship, through the easy times and the hard times.
You don’t know about my past and
I don’t have a future figured out
And mayb this is goin’ to fast
And maybe it’s not meant to last
But what do you say to takin’ chances
What do you say to jumpin’ of the edge
Never knowin’ if there’s solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say?
I just wanna start again
And maybe you could show me how to try
Maybe you could take me in
Somewhere underneath your skin
Today, I am back having a boyfriend,
a very kind gentleman who always does his best
to have my world a better place.
Was it too fast?
It does feel a bit too fast.
I was even still in confusion when I accepted the proposal.
But he is the one of the kindest person on earth.
You will hardly find another in a million years.
And we are willing to take this chance to work out this relationship, through the easy times and the hard times.
You don’t know about my past and
I don’t have a future figured out
And mayb this is goin’ to fast
And maybe it’s not meant to last
But what do you say to takin’ chances
What do you say to jumpin’ of the edge
Never knowin’ if there’s solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say?
I just wanna start again
And maybe you could show me how to try
Maybe you could take me in
Somewhere underneath your skin
the story behind the lyrics
Mother and father had just flew off to Dubai and then Mecca to perform their pilgrimage, and we six kids are in KL. For a month. It feels strange.
I pray for their joy doing their devotion to God, as well as being safe and healthy during the whole journey there and back home.
Just at the right timing, I am listening to the lyrics of Lady Gaga's latest song that I like so much. What's the story behind the lyrics? Read on. I got this from mtv.com.
Lady Gaga has become such an otherworldly icon, what with her wigs and unusual getups, that it's sometimes easy to forget that she's really Stefani Germanotta, a nice Italian girl From New York who wanted to be the next Madonna. A reminder of that came during her interview with New York's Z-100 radio station on Tuesday morning (October 27), when, along with promoting her forthcoming The Fame Monster expanded re-release, she also talked about her dad.
The re-release features a song, "Speechless," for her father, Joseph, in which she hopes he'll be convinced to seek the medical treatment he needs for his heart condition. "I've known about my father's condition for about 15 years. He told me whatever happens, happens," she said. "I was getting ready to lose my dad and I wrote this song."
She said she brought up the song not to plug her album but to remind her fans, especially the younger, rebellious ones, that they should treasure their parents. "I say this with such sincerity," she said. "I wrote this song called 'Speechless' that was this plea to my father. I sent it to him. I have a lot of fans who are really lovely, young, troubled fans, but I want to remind them that you only get one set of parents."
She performed a snippet of "Speechless" as part of a piano medley on "Saturday Night Live" earlier this month.
Last week, when her dad was in the hospital recovering from the open heart operation he received, she took to Twitter to let her fans know that all was well with him.
"My Daddy had open-heart surgery today. And after long hours, and lots of tears, they healed his broken heart, and mine. Speechless," she wrote. "At the hospital. Giving daddy a foot rub while he falls asleep. He's my hero."
I pray for their joy doing their devotion to God, as well as being safe and healthy during the whole journey there and back home.
Just at the right timing, I am listening to the lyrics of Lady Gaga's latest song that I like so much. What's the story behind the lyrics? Read on. I got this from mtv.com.
Lady Gaga has become such an otherworldly icon, what with her wigs and unusual getups, that it's sometimes easy to forget that she's really Stefani Germanotta, a nice Italian girl From New York who wanted to be the next Madonna. A reminder of that came during her interview with New York's Z-100 radio station on Tuesday morning (October 27), when, along with promoting her forthcoming The Fame Monster expanded re-release, she also talked about her dad.
The re-release features a song, "Speechless," for her father, Joseph, in which she hopes he'll be convinced to seek the medical treatment he needs for his heart condition. "I've known about my father's condition for about 15 years. He told me whatever happens, happens," she said. "I was getting ready to lose my dad and I wrote this song."
She said she brought up the song not to plug her album but to remind her fans, especially the younger, rebellious ones, that they should treasure their parents. "I say this with such sincerity," she said. "I wrote this song called 'Speechless' that was this plea to my father. I sent it to him. I have a lot of fans who are really lovely, young, troubled fans, but I want to remind them that you only get one set of parents."
She performed a snippet of "Speechless" as part of a piano medley on "Saturday Night Live" earlier this month.
Last week, when her dad was in the hospital recovering from the open heart operation he received, she took to Twitter to let her fans know that all was well with him.
"My Daddy had open-heart surgery today. And after long hours, and lots of tears, they healed his broken heart, and mine. Speechless," she wrote. "At the hospital. Giving daddy a foot rub while he falls asleep. He's my hero."
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