Year 2007 was indeed exhilarating.
My stepping in Singapore for the Landmark Forum was a start of how I changed my view in life. It made my life started afresh- empty and ready to be written with new experiences.
My highest passion in life- playing my trumpet, was regenerated and I could view it with unlimited possibilities. Throughout the year, this view goes down and it grows again- and that’s just what life is.
I was struggling in finding ways on getting a job, and soon I’ve learnt that to act is more effective than to react. I did not manage to totally put away the feeling of being useless and lose of power, but I discovered that I could actually take action and try on doing part time jobs and move forward from there.
I experienced being shouted at by a very important client in the office and I managed to handle the situation, although after that I felt really really bad. But that’s okay- I was just starting to learn to be powerful in life.
Swimming in my uncertainty, I still managed to give up all doubts and take on teaching one private trumpet student, and take on trumpet lessons by a professional orchestra player, in the name of keeping my trumpet music passion in existence.
I experienced struggle in accepting my current job the way it is, and I was stuck with my upsets for not having enough time for my trumpet practices and swimming as my second hobby for fitness purposes. I could see that through clear communication with my colleague, I finally get to be at peace with my job, and I can see ways to have it all- my job and also the time for myself. It feels so free and easy when I could see that I am not restricted to only one method to get what I want.
I also discovered my purpose in life- to empower people to be at peace and give them a choice to decide. I do admit that the charter dies as time goes by, but I see that some parts of it remain subconsciously through the actions that I take.
By seeing what works and by speculating what will open up in the future for me, I take on choosing to detach myself from my father’s regular financial support, for me to be on track in taking the next leap to be independent and to expand myself in life. By trying on being independent, I can see what I can do to get a better pay, and support myself to develop my long term plan in living up my possibility as a world class level trumpeter to the max.
And as a final closure of the year 2007, I experienced something that took me to be powerful to another level. I went through a breakdown along with dear dear Z when he was reselecting all the items in his life- based on what he really wants and what he is really willing to do. I experienced the verge of a break up after a one year relationship, and in that point I got the chance to learn how to be powerful and at the same time to empower the special person who had been empowering and supporting me for one whole year.
What revealed to me is that I see choices: I could dwell in my worries of a future of loneliness and lose of support- or I can choose to be selfless and see what works. A relationship with pretence is worse than having no relationship at all. And at the end; I will always be related to dear dear Z; regardless in any form of it. And I can choose to be commited to a profound relationship- whether we are life partners, lovers, or close friends. Ultimately my actions will be through love, nonetheless.
All in all, my whole one year experience had given me the choice of accepting what I am, how I function with my thoughts, and acknowledge my upsets. I can be with it, and I can choose to leap out of it in an instance, to see where I am not authentic, and to see what works.
If I see that I fall into anger, irritation, being reactivated and snap into saying something which doesn’t make any difference, I can acknowledge myself being human, and I can choose to restore my integrity to liven up my possibility as the cause of peace to the people around me. I can always say clearly on how I feel to the other person involved, and see what can be done instead of making anybody wrong.
I can also see that I can continuously put my possibilities and dreams in existence, and see what the next step for each moment. Should I see that I am stuck or in the comfort zone, I don’t need to blame anyone including myself at all- because there’s nothing wrong with it. Blaming and guilt is just the meanings of the occurrence- I can strip those meanings away, and think beyond it.
I anticipate 2008 for more experience to come.
I can always have the choice of taking ownership of it, being hungry of the breakdowns for the breakthroughs, and always have my possibilities in existence.
May God always be with me. Amen.