open house

Last weekend, we had a blast at my parent’s house.
All the junks were hidden on the top floor, and the living area was cleared and decorated.

Friends and relatives from different backgrounds and lifestyles came over.
It’s quite interesting to see that each son of the family has their own group of friends.

Including mine, who made a grand entrance in the evening.
People glare and people stare,
But we don’t care.

We had a good time,
Eating, joking, and laughing.
They commute from far away, and it was worth it.

So I thought.
Until the next morning,
Just before I leave the house to return to Damansara,
I had this conversation with mom.

“Why are your friends now like that?
You have to wisely choose your friends,
Because they shape you what you are.
Are you like them?”

“They have been my friends since high school.”

“Ya, but when your friends do bad things,
It’s wrong for you to say- it’s okay, it’s alright.
It doesn’t matter what people say,
But it does matter what God says.
You have to read and learn more about the religion.”

“I have prayed in front of Ka’aba
And we are just what we are.”

“What are you?
Are you a Moslem?
You have to be concerned with
Where God will put you in the end-
Whether you are along with the good Moslems
Or not.”

“That is for God to decide.
We’ve tried.”

“You can’t say that.
It is already stated,
And now is not like the past.
In this modern world there are a lot of methods.
Apparently you did not try hard enough.”

And I left.

Today I went through the internet and basically I googled the keywords like
Gay + Moslem + Surah

My result of findings-

Basically, there quite a sum of surah that mention the condemnation of this being.
There is also one geographical information pertaining to the earthquake disaster that actually happened in the land of the prophet Lut. The writer also mentioned about the tragedy in Pompeii where the victims were being said as to commit in adultery during the event. An interesting conclusion closed the article- “but still people insist on not learning lessons of the past”.

I am a person with an odd orientation.

If I were to take this road towards being a hetero,
I’ll be just spending years of my life trying to be someone else.

I’ll suffer, I’ll get stressed out, lose my hair, become sick,
And might eventually die “an honorable death”-
Because of the fight against my own orientation
Which is deemed as unnatural in this world.

Am I willing to do that?

Apart of this dispute I have;
I really appreciated that my friends
take the effort to come all the way
from Damansara and even Putrajaya.

It was still worth it,
because perhaps it would be the last.

We'll have celebration at my apartment instead, next time.


Miss Organic said...

owhh.. i wish i was at your open house... and make the "grand entrance"... :)
really sorry that i can't make it dear...

anyway, i never thought that you have to reliving that "painful conversation" over and over again... sigh... not to blame your mother since she has the right to worry about u; his own son.... but to say that we didn't try hard enough to change just dissapoint me... by all means, be in our shoes. period.

Miss Organic said...

typo --> disappoint

Calvin said...

If human beings are made by God himself, then maybe we are what we are. If not, how come we're like that? You and me know that deep down in our heart and mind that being like this is NOT our choice but it's just what we are, the way we're born in. Well, I say you should focus on living your life to the fullest since we only live once and as long we don't commit any crimes like killing, stealing, raping, then I think it's fine.

::airswift:: said...

only those who carry the burden on their back would realize the actual weight.

some people wouldn't believe and try to make us believe that we actually could change if we wanted to.

i used to fall into believing that.
after all, it's true that some former gays are now straights.

but the whole process of trying to change made me suffocated, full of sorrow and self-guilt, rather than a breeze of fresh air or a calming light at the end of the tunnel.

it just doesn't apply to me at all.

lock me up alone with a girl hooker-
i'll get bored and end up braiding her hair.

Miss Organic said...

"lock me up alone with a girl hooker-
i'll get bored and end up braiding her hair."

kakakaka.... believe it or not, i can really imagine that u braiding her hair!! how funny!! ;p

ketua unit ict said...

on the contrary, i can make the girl pregnant. it's very simple. make sure you tool is erected (no matter what size it is..), apply very much lub on the pepet and hard but gently push your whatever tool size into it, sorong tarik2 dan wallah..pancut already..hahahah..

ketua unit ict said...

but please turn the light off or i wont get erected looking at the boobs..nanti bergetar bibir aku..sapa yg salah?