pushing myself from the ground

By some circumstances, my possibility that has inspired me has been challenged.
I’ve lost the drive, and I was confused in life. My belief system is dead.

Being distracted and lost of direction, I still went for rehearsals.
How shocked was I when I realized that I was totally left out, due to my own issues that I’ve not settled myself.
The scores were getting more difficult, and I failed to play well.
Conductors were starting to get disappointed with me, and I am devastated.

This has to stop. Things are getting worse.
So now I am going to make things clear and re-strategize my life.

Is it true that I’ve not achieved anything in life? Or is it just a label that what people think of me?

The things that I’ve already gotten lately

A Walkman/PDA phone with 3G connection
A white special edition Compaq notebook
A Valencia guitar
A trip to Bangkok
An extensive set of wardrobe and neccesities that complete my daily life
A nice apartment that I rent with friends, which is getting nicer by the months
First chair (trumpet) for two splendid symphony orchestras, with different characteristics
Post of IT Executive, responsible of handling Novell server with Netware, FSecure security, Ultrium backup storage and also providing helpdesk assistance for staff.

The things that I haven’t gotten-

A music exam certificate
My own 1,200 square feet condominium

So far I have been doing well.
For the things that I haven’t reached for yet, I’ll do my life my own way, at my own time.
Maybe this feeling of defeat won’t go away that easily, but I’ll fly very soon.

I am going to re-instantiate my possibility as a world class trumpet player.
Some people may be cynical with it, but I should remember that two whole orchestras, my Dear Boi-Boi, my own family and my new bunch of friends do see me as a potential.

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