one year after 23rd December 2008

One year has passed since the day I had to walk alone my own path.

It is not easy to sail alone, sometimes I get bored. Sometimes I blame myself. Sometimes I blame the others. Sometimes I got confused. Sometimes I feel bad, sometimes I think people are bad. And of course, being the melancholic me, sometimes I felt really, really sad.

But here I am, still living, and the rest, are living too.
Everyone has their own sets of happiness, and problems too.

After a year, I see that the world doesn’t revolve around anyone.
Sometimes A is unhappy with B but okay with D who is unhappy with C.
Sometimes it’s the other way round.

I’ve made so much meanings about what people do.
I thought B was avoiding me, when actually B was busy settling some stuff.
At other times, I thought B was avoiding me, and it was true that B was avoiding me.


A whole lot of drama.

The more I find proof that people just want me to disappear, the more I get the proof.
The more I just give up what’s in my head, the more I see that friends are supportive and they appreciate me.

I’ve learnt now that there are times that a person chose to keep quiet and hide away.
Nobody can please everyone.

I also know that when we have ample of time on our side, we can either be bored, or we do something. Get in touch with a friend and see if we can hang out. If that can’t happen, schedule an extra trumpet practice. Or go home and visit your family. Clean up your apartment. Get out, work out or join any class available at the gym. Watch a movie. Or be adventurous, go somewhere nice and practice my photography.

We are all not perfect. We make grave mistakes. We are sorry for it. And then maybe, if the lesson is not enough, we forget and do it again.

But in the end, what I see is that as long as we remember God, He will show the way.
It’s a true experience that I’ve got.
I feel light, I feel energetic, I feel safe, and things come to me easier than I thought.
As long as we take some time to meditate and think of the Creator,
He knows best. Things happen that way because they are meant to be that way.
Believing that things will turn out fine, and give the effort wherever we can, and let the rest of the job to Him.

Eventually, I am not sailing alone in the ocean. God is always there. Some friends support me all the way. And the others, come and fly by with their helicopters, checking on how am I doing so far.

Being graceful as in going through the challenges in life and still grateful
of the privilege of being alive, that is how life worth lived.

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