chasing pavements

Relatively to my other friends, I am a person who is on the melancholic side. Or to describe it, I am prone to show my emotional side to the world. Through experience that have taught me, I try my best not to have anyone badly affected or annoyed by it though.

However, last night I fell into the pit again.
My former partner called me to inform that he was at my apartment. He was about to collect all his clothes.

That was the point where I felt sad. It’s like another clear indicator of me being single.

“Are you really taking everything?”

“Well, I am not sure but I took everything that was in my sight. Including the tissue box.”

“How about the bear?”

“No, that bear is yours.”

“So nothing left?”

“There is something left for sure. The memories of the yester-years.”

“That doesn’t make it sound any better.”

“Well, if I leave some stuff it doesn’t mean I can still go back there. Me and my new partner, we try to avoid doing things that can cause suspicion to the other party.”

I left the gym quickly and wanted to go back home.

I was also thinking about that "candidate" that I really liked, that gave me fuzzy feelings if I can share my life with him.

He seem to treat me only as a friend and nothing more.
I am pondering what should I do. and as I popped in Adele in my stereo and Chasing Pavements, my mind was distracted. I accidentally reversed into the bumper of another car at the parking lot. And had to pay 250 bucks for that.

I drove on the highway and got lost.

Last night was one of the worst. I felt as if losing hope and not wanting to drag my feet an inch further in this life.

I drove and wailed out loud.

And wailed.

And wailed.

And cried.

And sobbed.

And wailed.

Releasing whatever is in my chest.

Made my way to PJ and parked. Looked at the hideous scratch on my car.

Waited for my friends and felt much better.

And this was the advice given to me.

"Erm. About that friend you are hitting on to.
He just shared to me that you gave him signs on your trail of phone messages.
He said to me he regards you as one of his very close friend, and he felt awkward.
I'm just saying this so that you will feel a bit clear from this confusion."

"Two things that you can do. You can either give up,
or you can take on just allowing things to be. If you really want him,
relax, just give and perhaps it would be like in the movies. He will accept you."

Should I give up or
Should I keep on chasing pavements
Even if it leads to no where?

I am doing neither. I just leave it to God.

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