acting below the belt

 One says, acting below the belt is blaming, disempowering, play victim, not responding, not taking action and not taking ownership.

So today I am acting below the belt, or yesterday, or the whole month before.

I was given advice that is so contradicting with each other and so conflicting it makes my mind nauseous.

(And this default Times New Roman that I keep getting when I type, is fucking ugly. No one uses it in 2021. Each time I have to fucking adjust it back to fucking Arial).

Seeing my housemate going all out in high spirits, as a winner of the month for sales in Unit Trust, should inspire me, but instead it fucking mocked me.

Having people having an intervention meeting to check out what's up because I am not taking any action as an investment broker, got me opening up and spilling out what stressed me out. but that's just what it did.

I recieved a call inspiring me on standing up for myself, speaking up for myself, and I called back to share how I am thankful for that mindblowing advice, but then I was being told off that "I am not reflecting it through my actions".

I was told that I have potential, I am great; at the same time I was TOLD OFF that I am not doing enough.

Perhaps, the best thing to do is to just to just fuck it all up. Give it all up.

It's like every single fucking thing that I do is just fucking not enough.

Maybe I don't need this.

After all, I have already done my best. Too fucking bad that you guys don't see it.