something to write at 3 AM

It's kind of a weird feeling to write a few postings at an odd hour like this. I am in the cyber cafe across the street, and I am quite drowsy. But my heart did not want to let me sleep.

What would I want to write about right now? Oh yeah, something that I have wanted to write about my life, but I hadn't got the right mood to arrange the words. But let me try writing this when I am like not really 100 percent conscious. It might be interesting.

I have been dating a lot of people. I cannot say that I got into any mature relationships yet. The longest that lasted, was only for one week period. Anyway. Throughout these few meets with different people, I got to experience some stuff.

I got to know this fella during our blind date at KLCC. He was driving his big brother's car, and he looked quite cute. A guy which is younger two years of my age. We were really into each other and met each other for almost everyday, for a whole week. I even brought him to eat pizza with my close friends at Mega Mall. He was a sweet talker, as sweet as his face. And we even studied in the same field.

Sadly, it ended as fast as the way it started. He sent me an sms saying that he's meeting a friend. I trusted him, but after the meet, he said that it was not only a friend. It was a fling. I was really upset, I felt like the world is literally upside down. I became dizzy and did not even know how to respond. But it was my friend the drama teacher who told me to do what's best; just ditch him off and move on.

It was heartbreaking.

The funny thing was that my junior hooked up with him recently, which is a few years after I knew this fella. He was brought to the world that I am in, visiting my school orchestra and all. Luckily I wasn't there and if I bumped into him during orchestra rehearsals, that would be a heck of an awkward moment.

And there was this hot guy who made me happy on the first day we met. And after that we kept on contacting each other, and he said he liked me because I am not gorgeous but just nice; a safe type of person to have relationship with. But he was the kind of outgoing person, always with his job, and his clubbing life, and always been outstation. And then one fine day when it was agreed for him to meet me for the second time, he stood me up.

The reason he gave; was that he has not keeping himself fit and he was too fat to meet me at that time. It was just beyond stupid.

Another guy that I met was a confused bisexual who wasn't sure of what he wanted. The thing that he emphasized during the first meet was that, I am a potential candidate for him, but I should give my effort of getting him. So actually I did. I kept in touch with him. I met him and dated him a few times. But in the end he wanted a relationship without physical contact. I left him because I do not want something between platonic and a real relationship.

These are the three few dates that I could remember at least for now (considering that I am not fully awake now, haha). I am not trying to make myself look like a sad person here. But what I could say is, I tried a lot of times to get into a relationship but I failed. And it doesn't mean that the world ends just there. You failed to get into one relationship, you just don't take it too hard, get up and move on.

This is quite easy to say but hard to apply, but what else is better?

I find myself falling in love too easily with people. But with the help of the drama teacher, I have learned to handle ugly situations and accept rejections and move on. It's no use of wasting my life waiting for something that would not happen. Often that when I got to know someone that I like, I would jump into cloud nine and forgot reality. I am still learning on how to be more cautious next time.