i am in the statistics.

Yes, I am still in the statistics of the more than 20,000 local graduates who are still unemployed.

At times I feel really bad, especially when I am urged to pay the monthly apartment rental, and each week when I had to ask allowance from dad.

There was a point when I stared through the newspaper jobs classifieds, and thinking that I went on and on trying get myself hooked with a permanent nice job. Minutes after that I thought, what was actually my plan to have a great life?

Yeah, like dear dear Z said to me:
I have been talking about amazing things done by the people that I know,
but how about my own self?

My actual plan was to have a decent job during the day, and get out of the office at five, and have my own free time to do lots of things; like:

-do a few laps of butterfly strokes in the pool (just a few, because normally I can't do more than five even)

-hang out with my friends for a dinner, or a movie, or a theatre

-do my passion: practice the trumpet in my apartment, play the trumpet in an orchestra performance, teach the trumpet to my student.

I am greedy. I want to get employed and at the same time I do not want the job to kill the fabulous life that I have.

Now back to me staring through the newspaper jobs classifieds.

My mood suddenly went down again, and I thought how hopeless it is the effort to find a job.

I went to a lot of interviews. I even went to a one whole week training just to discover that it's a foreign exchange company and I had to find clients to get myself promoted.

Absolutely not my type of job.

As I got fed up staring at the newspaper, I decided to practice my trumpet instead.
But the low moods really got me again this time.

I crouched there on my day bed in the hall, with the trumpet mouthpiece, stay still in my mouth.

I was thinking to myself, I don't even cannot play the trumpet well.
I can't even do a living in music because my trumpet playing sucks.
People of my age, or even younger than me, can play the trumpet amazingly.

I just leave the mood hanging there for a minute or two.

It sucks to be this way, but it does need more action from me; more than just sitting there, do nothing and be sad.

I decided to just continue the days keeping on going for interviews to get myself a job.
Of course someday I will get one. Definitely.

It was a hard moment, me crouching; with the trumpet stuck in my mouth.
And then I finally started playing it again.


zacharoo! said...

Getting a job is deceptively simple.

Just know you'll get one. The rest are just actions you need to do.

Luv you honey.

Bibik Nyonya said...

aww....tengok tuh....SOSWEET! Si dia tu tak comment my blog pun tau (HINT HINT!!)

Anyhow....i so totally understand your feelings. Its just a phase and you get over it once you land a job.

When i started off, it was even worse, i worked like a cow; relied on inefficient public transports and earned peanuts. I was working AND poor!

It sure takes a lot of balls to strive through but with all the support you have, you'll do just fine. :)

lyana said...

hmmmmm. you will move out from this phase..and hey, you were the one who reminded me of how we can't be too depressed when faced in hard situations in life. you are more wanderful that you yourself take credit for.