me and my job

Yeap. It has been a while!

My job demands me to be on the go continuously these few weeks, I only got the chance to take a peek through the internet, speed reading my close sistah's blogs.

It was really demanding, to a point that I had fever (again?) and still had to stay at work til midnight, since we've got the Minister of Higher Education coming to the college the next Monday. So, yeah, everything has to be tip-top.

So as usual when you have to stay over at work to the extreme hours, you might lose even the mood to be all chattery. That happened to me, at least.

I started to find a person to blame for the stress that I felt, and I even started to question myself- is this the job that I really want?

Finally the minister came, and it all ended a happy ending. (In fact he did not even make a tour to inspect the whole college.)

But the thing is, there's this awkwardness that I felt inside of me, between me and my colleague, as an impact of how I act due to the stress and fever that I've got.

After much discussion about my job between me and my friends, my dear dear Z, and I even talked to myself- I've seen a clearer vision.

The job is just a job with it's ups and downs. What matters is my destination at the end of the line- that is to get myself to be a professional trumpet player. The job is just a tool and an experience in order for me to get there.

So, stress is always packaged inside a job, no matter what job it is. And sometimes we have to go through and continue with our life, even though the fever and flu is bugging to stop.

I've decided to get it complete with my colleague- by putting the past in the past. The stress had happened, and it already happened. So this is what I shared with him the next day-

I want to be complete with what had happened for the past few days.
I give up trying to put the blame of the stress to anyone-
I wanted to say it's the minister's fault for coming to the college,
Or your fault,
Or even my fault for not doing the job earlier.
I give up trying to put the blame to anyone at all.
The stress happened and it happened. No point blaming anyone.

I forgive myself for being sick and using it as a good reason to be not empowered.
I also seek your forgiveness for having to give me all the hours rest and the day off, even when there's a deadline coming close.

I acknowledge you for being a stand of discipline to make sure the work goes on,
because if not for you, I would have called it quits because I was sick. Again, thank you.

He was inspired and he acknowledged me too- for being strong when I was sick.

And just there and then, the awkwardness disappeared,
like a burden shoved away from the shoulder.