Through out having my life continuously shift, I initiate it by doing enrollment conversation. The format is somewhat like this:
::Saying out where I have pretended, when actually it was not the real thing going into my head- (it could be anything: my plans in life, my job or even my relationships) Eg: I pretended that I am hardworking but I actually force myself to do this, or I pretend that I’m okay when you did that but actually I am not
::Give up those things which were going in my head (because it’s not the ultimate truth- opinions can be seen as true and false at the same time) Eg: I give up that I say I am forcing myself doing this, or I give up making a big fuss of what you did.
::Instead of having those drama in my head, I can shift my view and see what would make a difference for myself, the situation and the people close to me- and have them inspired and touched by that shift.
I’ve done this many many times, and I admit it that there are moments people around me were not inspired and even got it wrongly and feel offended.
I told dear dear Z about my experience not able to have my friends feel inspired and touched. I also told my seminar mates.
And they all said, there are times that people will feel enrolled, and there are times when they don’t feel inspired. Enrollment conversation needs practice. And now I see that it was not only me who experienced a breakdown while doing enrollment- all of them had some breakdown themselves- including dear dear Z. He tried to enroll his father, but his father got really hurt and offended- since he accepted it the other way round.
But that shouldn’t make us stop enrolling. Instead, I can look into what’s missing when I did an enrollment that ended up making people feel uncomfortable with me.
And then one of the seminarians- this gentle Malay lady, told me something that I did not see before this.
“Consider that the way your friends react to you- as a clue for you to think what’s missing. Consider that when your friends feel offended, awkward, and uncomfortable, they don’t feel love and compassion from what you said. Consider that eventhough you said that you wanted to make a difference- what’s missing is that you did not say it totally based on love and compassion.”
Now I got it why I was stuck! When initially I wanted to make a difference, I slip into making them wrong, and trying to fix them, and making myself look good and look better than them, just because I have this Landmark Education tools and they don’t. That’s not the intention of the whole education! I can use it properly instead of abusing it just to make myself right and make them wrong for not being inspired.
I have been repeating the actions trying to fix, and fix, and fix, and fix- but now I can say- stop! It’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with what happened. What happened just happened. No meaning attached.
So, it goes back to me.
Do I want to be responsible with what I said to my friends? Yes.
Do I want to see that it’s okay that they were not inspired and they didn’t get me? Yes.
Do I want to be generous to give space and time for them to feel better? Yes.
Do I want to give up trying to fix them? Yes.
Why? Because at the end, there is nothing wrong with them.
There’s nothing that needs to be fixed.
Because they are precious and I love them all.
Sigh~ I feel so free…