Am I losing it?
Last Friday and Saturday, were two difficult days for me.
Due to unavoided circumstances, I missed both of my orchestra nights.
My bike brokedown on Friday evening, and my friend was late to send me to the National Theater do to bad traffic. Rushed and rushed, but managed to arrive during the last song.
On the next day, I was stranded at the workshop from 9 in the morning.
My bike needed a major overhaul, the repair was only done at 8pm.
The orchestra still have another first trumpeter, so no worries on their side.
By then, I sent a few phone sms to my orchestra mates who were already onstage.
"I couldn't make it. Play your best and make me proud".
Til now I am shoved in between moods.
Honestly, writing this down is also a challenge for me.
Couldn't find that door to see what's the silver lining hidden underneath,
or maybe I am just mingling around in my own drama of huge upset.
It's just a simple step but it takes courage to give up all the negativity
and in the end I know that it'll be no good staying this way.
It doesn't mean that I am a failure.
It doesn't mean that I have lost my skill, passion and dignity.
It doesn't mean that I screwed up my life.
Perhaps I am judging myself more than anyone else saying about me.
Let's take a small step by appreciating the chances that I've managed to grab instead.
For these few months, I am grateful that I was given the opportunity
to be in weekly rehearsals- and that combined with my private lessons with my tutor;
I've come out as a confident trumpet player, with a strong tone and projection.
"Your tone has improved. Now play as a trumpet leader," my tutor said.
For these few months, I am proud that I've been the only one trumpet player attending all rehearsals, giving guidance to the orchestra. My presence have given a difference in each orchestral practice.
I can give myself a pat in the back, looking back at my contribution as a member of the orchestra, involving in shows during the visit to the center of disabled people, and performing in the live TV telecast. I have supported the team in anyway that I can.
It's just that it was meant to be that my contribution ends there- only for this season.
So these are the moments captured, for the few weeks before the concert.
Standby to perform on TV!
A short briefing after the telecast.
The tv host.
Some players from the orchestra.
Full dress rehearsal.