heart wrenching but beautiful

This is a post of a friend. His partner, also my friend, broke off with him,
On the night he wrote this. The reason they broke off? Also a mystery to me.

If you could read my mind, you'd be in tears.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 8:17pm

With or without, like it or not, what's left is only that one choice.
That difficult decision had to be done so soon although both hearts will bleed.
Crying til it feels difficult to breath. Sorrow inside the heart. If there's no frustration, there's no awareness of reality. Everyone has to throw shit at me then I will start to crawl away and clean up myself. If not, I'll be too pampered. Too comfortable. Sorry, I'm hurt. Don't blame me being this way.

But once again that night I used my blanket to wipe of my tears. Tired crying til my nose is blocked, difficult to breath. Can't cry out loud, scared people will hear me. In the darkness, I recalled back all the sweet SMSes. My heart was already torn but my finger kept on scrolling it down, reading one by one. If there were 500 messages, I read all 500. Thinking back whatever we had shared together. Remembered the moments I am together with you, talking to you, but this time I feel sadness, not joy as last time.

Because of that particular night, I fell and sat down in despair. Feels so tight like I couldn't move. The familiar pain in my stomach came back. I collect all the energy that I have just to forget. In that short period of time, aided by people around me who appreciated me (although they will not understand and try to make themselves more important than me), little by little I try to put away this frustration and sadness. Forced myself not to think about the painful thing and pretend that I am busy with the work which is not so much. Forced myself to laugh a fake smile, pretending that I am confident to act in front of everyone.

Hope this time I will be strong.

And these are the updates of his facebook..

I don't know how I felt. I just don't want to lose you, you know?

Will you love me tomorrow?

I want you in the most unromantic ways :)

I check myself out in every reflective surface I pass :)

You have no idea how fast my heart races when I see you :)

Let make it short and simple; I love you.

You, I miss you so much. Enough said.

My silence, my smile, doesn't mean that I bow and accept it.

Sorrow in the heart. If I don't feel the frustration, I won't be aware of reality.

We had magic. The love is gone.

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