reality fantasy

The person that I am currently seeing, is sweet.

He could go and find the exact burger that I want, by driving all the way at late night.

He brought me the DVD for a musical just because I am designing the poster, so that, to him, I can get some inspiration and ideas.

He brought me an expensive design book.

He stuff me with all the fine dining food.

He is always full of jokes and laugh.

It happens that he is also a lawyer. Of course he is accustomed with the harshness of the legal world; clients cursing at them, or judges degrading them, especially in court. By that, the challenges that I have is so small to his perception.

For instance, last night I shared with him about a clerk from another department scolding me in email, and forwarded it to all the bosses, claiming that I didn’t do my job well. Of course my own superiors defended me, by writing that the clerk should be thankful to me. However it still sucks and knowing me, I’ll take a while before giving up the ill-feeling. Especially when somebody told me that this clerk has been hating me since long before, perhaps just because I am gay.

After sharing this bad experience with my new date the lawyer, he just replied, “So?”.

I want a partner who can be there when I am down, lending me a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to my upsets, and just let me vent it out. I want a person who could go down walk with me a mile in my shoes, and let me just be me.

Perhaps my demand is too much, almost like I am irresponsible of my life and just want to complain instead of taking charge. But it would be nice if there is a comfortable place for you to rest a while before taking a deep breath, deal with the problem and create a new possibility.

I shouldn’t expect too much from a person. If in nature they couldn’t offer something that I need, I can always seek shelter from a dear friend who understands my melancholic character, my drama and nonsense. And she knows that after each storm, I will rise up and charge.

Or at least I have this blog to ramble about life.

This is life, I can cope.

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