I had just started doing my temporary job in the university. Basically my task with the other colleagues is to insert the account statement into envelopes and paste the address on to these envelopes to be posted to the Masters students. We have around 8000 envelopes to handle now.
Two nights before Z paid for my dinner at Hartamas Square. That was the first time I ate there and the price is considerable and the choice varies from Asean to Western and local. I only ate wantan mee but it was superb. No wonder, because the price is double than they have in SS2. Another thing about Hartamas Square is that the people who go there are all gorgeous and happening. You could see a lot of hot hunks and girls there, and there was this guy smoking shisha behind Z and he was so hot. I complained this to Z, saying that all I wanted is to talk to him but there are so many distractions around me. Hik.
Back to the work that I am doing now; just now before lunch as I was putting the account statements in the envelopes, I saw this name of a friend that I used to stay with together back in my younger university years. How odd is that? So I tore a bit of the side of the account statement, and slipped a small folded note into it, just to say hi and wish him for the best. I heard that he had went through a lot of hard challenges in his life. Saluted him, regardless that we are already directing to our own different paths.
And I also saw the name of the Melacca Minister. Apparently he is taking post-graduate in the university.
One of my friend once teased the Vietnamese as speaking “Nguyen, nguyen” because their language sounded like that. But actually, I bumped into this address:
Name: Nguyen Thanh Son.
Address: 18, Nguyen Binh Khiem, Hanoi, Vietnam.
Funny.
Today I was in the office toilet and those toilets there are sort of dark and cold. And what else would lurk around there if not the six legged freaking creatures that existed since dinosaurs. Cockroaches.
Fact from TV: The most numbered creature on earth, spreading everywhere across the globe.
So, when I was walking inside the toilet, there was a very horrendous small cracking sound as I step. Eugh. Luckily there was a plastic layering on the floor so my shoe did not touch directly onto the I-do-not-want-to-describe.
Since I am working in the university, it’s so essential that after work at half past five I would jump into the university pool (which is so close to the office) and I did not have to pay at all for that. And now I realized that you can actually spot the hottest students at the pool in the evening. Hmm.
So that’s it, I gotta rush. My lunch hour has already ended.
Zuotian wanshang, wo jian wo de pengyou. Wo hen gaoxing.
Yesterday night, I meet I punya friends. I very happy.
Jinlai/zuijin wo de baba bu yao gei wo qian.
Lately I punya dad don’t want give me money.
Xianlai wo mei you hen duo qian.
Now I tak ada very much money.
Wo zhidao, wo yiding zhao zhongyao gongzuo.
I know, I must find important job.
Xianlai, wei-le you shou qian, er wo fei-wuanri gongzuo.
Now, untuk ada some money, jadi saya part-time kerja.
another watch
Today, after I went back from my parents’ house in Ampang, I wanted to drop by at Tesco to get a slice of papaya for Hoshi.
My intent to just drop by extended into a long window-shopping at The Curve and Ikano.
I spotted this pink watch and it is very nice. I really feel that I must buy it for my youngest sister. So I bought it and put it in a pinky striped paper bag to match.
See the picture? Isn’t the watch nice?
Jin tian xia wu wo qu yijia (shang)dian.
Ini hari tengah hari saya pergi satu kedai.
Nage dian (de mingze) jiao The Curve.
Itu kedai (punya nama) panggil The Curve.
Nage shi hen da de dian.
Itu ialah sangat besar punya kedai.
Wo kan yijia shangdian de shoubiao.
Saya nampak satu kedai untuk jam tangan.
Na bian wo mai yige shoubiao.
Sana saya beli satu jam.
talking about cars
During my primary school days, I recognized the car brand name Toyota, as one type of car brand printed on the ugly thin round purple board game chips. These chips, are part of an incomplete set of China version of Monopoly; I discovered within the stack of old URTV magazines at the attic of my grandparents’ house in Perak.
Then whenever I was on the street, I could see rigid box shaped old Toyota cars everywhere, and to me, personally they are as ugly as their name is. Toyota. What kind of name is that? That was the impression of the name to me, and it lasted until now.
Then, a few years back, Toyota started to design their new improved shape sedan, the Altis and the Vios, yet they too never gave any interest to me. The interior space is limited, and the outer cut is somewhat funny. It’s something like Honda City, to me, it’s a design failure.
After that they came out with a new four wheel drive; the Rav4. I admit that I liked the design, it looked sturdy and fat. I like fat looking cars. But that still did not move me with the fact that Toyota is still quite a bozo to me.
And then today the new released Toyota Camry suddenly changed my view totally about the brand. I really am amazed by how they designed it like a Toyota version of the latest Beamer series. Wow. I really salute Toyota now.
another somber day
It was another day without most of my friends around.
The most "interesting" thing that happened today was only when I opened my eyes this morning, awakened by the Thai composed band song Kinari Suite ringing in my head, at it's loudest peak, where the brass would blare. Yeah, weird. Is this a sign that something big is happening now in Bangkok? Is there a very big confrontation scene between my friends and the betrayer? Hmph.
Then after that, the day slowed down to a distinctive silence where I would feed Hoshi with collard greens, prancing around in the house with only underwear (I was alone what?) and went down across the street to photocopy some pages from my Arban book.
New vocabulary term:
ARBAN.
Term creater: Unsupportive Pig Friend.
Trigger scene of term creation: When Pig Friend witness a trumpet player practiced his Arban book and screwed up.
Definition: To reach to a destructive failure.
Example: "Please go and photocopy your Arban book properly, if not it will become Arban."
Anyway.
After that I studied a little of Chinese, and refresh a bit of my music theory, and also played my Arban scores one shot. And because I was so darned bored, I took a shower in between. It was like, a "Ni hao ma" a bit, and then one shower. Then, reading music scales a bit, and another shower. And then playing the trumpet, and a final shower. D'uh.
I got myself a big fat file where I can put all the books:
-Oxford Chinese Dictionary
-Malay/English simple Dictionary
-Super Simple Chinese book (which of course is not as simple)
-A note book for me to write crap in Chinese
-ABRSM red book of Music Theory Grade 1-5
-Photocopies of trumpet studies from Arban
-My pencil case from Kuching from my friend.
It's like a convenient study kit that I can bring anywhere, to uplift my spirit to study a bit of Chinese and music theory and to bring my scores everywhere too!
Most of the time I napped in front of the TV on the day bed, and I did not swim because I swam two afternoons in a row and that turned me into a little black boy.
Finally, Perky called me and we had a nice decent dinner in the cafe at her block.
Liar Liar was on HBO so I watched that and called it a night.
Woa. What is this? Some kind of very dull report? Hmph.
The most "interesting" thing that happened today was only when I opened my eyes this morning, awakened by the Thai composed band song Kinari Suite ringing in my head, at it's loudest peak, where the brass would blare. Yeah, weird. Is this a sign that something big is happening now in Bangkok? Is there a very big confrontation scene between my friends and the betrayer? Hmph.
Then after that, the day slowed down to a distinctive silence where I would feed Hoshi with collard greens, prancing around in the house with only underwear (I was alone what?) and went down across the street to photocopy some pages from my Arban book.
New vocabulary term:
ARBAN.
Term creater: Unsupportive Pig Friend.
Trigger scene of term creation: When Pig Friend witness a trumpet player practiced his Arban book and screwed up.
Definition: To reach to a destructive failure.
Example: "Please go and photocopy your Arban book properly, if not it will become Arban."
Anyway.
After that I studied a little of Chinese, and refresh a bit of my music theory, and also played my Arban scores one shot. And because I was so darned bored, I took a shower in between. It was like, a "Ni hao ma" a bit, and then one shower. Then, reading music scales a bit, and another shower. And then playing the trumpet, and a final shower. D'uh.
I got myself a big fat file where I can put all the books:
-Oxford Chinese Dictionary
-Malay/English simple Dictionary
-Super Simple Chinese book (which of course is not as simple)
-A note book for me to write crap in Chinese
-ABRSM red book of Music Theory Grade 1-5
-Photocopies of trumpet studies from Arban
-My pencil case from Kuching from my friend.
It's like a convenient study kit that I can bring anywhere, to uplift my spirit to study a bit of Chinese and music theory and to bring my scores everywhere too!
Most of the time I napped in front of the TV on the day bed, and I did not swim because I swam two afternoons in a row and that turned me into a little black boy.
Finally, Perky called me and we had a nice decent dinner in the cafe at her block.
Liar Liar was on HBO so I watched that and called it a night.
Woa. What is this? Some kind of very dull report? Hmph.
time and days
Jin tian zaoshang wo zao qishen/qichuang.
Ini hari pagi saya awal bangun.
Zuo tian xia wu wo qu daxue le. Wo chi fan na bian.
Past day (semalam) afternoon saya pergi university already. Saya makan nasi sana.
Ming tian wan shang hen duo ren qu chengshi.
Esok hari malam sangat ramai orang pergi bandar.
Jin tian bangwan wo lianxi wo de hao.
Ini hari petang saya practice saya punya trumpet.
Ini hari pagi saya awal bangun.
Zuo tian xia wu wo qu daxue le. Wo chi fan na bian.
Past day (semalam) afternoon saya pergi university already. Saya makan nasi sana.
Ming tian wan shang hen duo ren qu chengshi.
Esok hari malam sangat ramai orang pergi bandar.
Jin tian bangwan wo lianxi wo de hao.
Ini hari petang saya practice saya punya trumpet.
twenty second of the month
I don’t mind spending some time just hanging here with you
Cause I don’t find too many guys that treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk they talk of suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside and I’m satisfied
-Paris Hilton
It has already been a month that we got together. Based on my various experience in the past, I should have learnt how to cope in bad situations. But I am still not being realistic and wished for the best.
My mind was stirred to think of the future, which is quite difficult to imagine.
He explained his part, that in the now I am the one. However, being as a motivated person as he is, he always would want to plan ahead as an inspiration of the best for all the aspects of his life. Either in his career, his friendship, and whom he might spend his life with in the end. He has observed his friends ended up in marriage, and the picture of it is something that is inspiring at the end. With kids, a new family, and connecting it to his present family now.
To me, he is quite unique. His positive analytical mind has influenced me a bit, just like what my friends would do to me. The difference between him and the other relationships that I had was that we shared deeper thoughts, and yeah, we have already lasted for a month.
However.
The fact that he reminded me with all these, regardless that it is about facing reality, was like inviting me to go to the real world instead of living in the Matrix.
Such news is like hearing that someone so close to me is having cancer.
What should I feel about it? Should I get mad just because he explained the truth, regardless he was really nice and cared me so much? Is it fair for me to get upset?
They say, nothing in this world last for eternity.
They say, live up to the moment that you have now and cherish it.
Wo renshi yige hao nanhair.
Saya kenal one nice boy.
Ta shi wo gaoxing.
He make me happy.
Cause I don’t find too many guys that treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk they talk of suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside and I’m satisfied
-Paris Hilton
It has already been a month that we got together. Based on my various experience in the past, I should have learnt how to cope in bad situations. But I am still not being realistic and wished for the best.
My mind was stirred to think of the future, which is quite difficult to imagine.
He explained his part, that in the now I am the one. However, being as a motivated person as he is, he always would want to plan ahead as an inspiration of the best for all the aspects of his life. Either in his career, his friendship, and whom he might spend his life with in the end. He has observed his friends ended up in marriage, and the picture of it is something that is inspiring at the end. With kids, a new family, and connecting it to his present family now.
To me, he is quite unique. His positive analytical mind has influenced me a bit, just like what my friends would do to me. The difference between him and the other relationships that I had was that we shared deeper thoughts, and yeah, we have already lasted for a month.
However.
The fact that he reminded me with all these, regardless that it is about facing reality, was like inviting me to go to the real world instead of living in the Matrix.
Such news is like hearing that someone so close to me is having cancer.
What should I feel about it? Should I get mad just because he explained the truth, regardless he was really nice and cared me so much? Is it fair for me to get upset?
They say, nothing in this world last for eternity.
They say, live up to the moment that you have now and cherish it.
Wo renshi yige hao nanhair.
Saya kenal one nice boy.
Ta shi wo gaoxing.
He make me happy.
i know, wo zhidao
Wo zhidao, wo bu keyi jiang hen-duo dongxi, shihou wo shuo hanyu.
Saya tau, saya tidak dapat cakap sangat banyak benda, masa saya speak Mandarin.
Danshi wo yi-ding xue shuo hanyu. Zhe-ge hen zhong-yao, yin-wei wo yao ming-bai na-ge zhu jiang shenme.
Tetapi saya mesti belajar speak Mandarin. Ini sangat important, kerana saya mahu faham itu pig cakap apa.
Jin-tian wo zai shenme de mei-you. Zui-jin changchang xiayu. Wo bu neng you-yong.
Today saya buat apa pun tiada. Banyak hari selalu hujan. Saya tidak dapat swim.
Wo de pengyou, quanbu qu Bangkok le.
Saya punya kawan, semua pergi Bangkok sudah.
Ni men shenme shihou huijia? Yihou ba tian.
Mereka bila masa balik rumah? After lapan hari.
Wo gandao yanfan.
Saya rasa bosan.
saying it when i am hungry
I am now hungry since I have not eaten lunch yet. After changing the sheets and sweeping the whole house, I tend to get even hungrier.
It's a hot sunny afternoon today. Yesterday it rained, so the weather is really clear.
Perhaps it's just me to feel this kind of weird vacant feeling, knowing that most of our friends have flew to Bangkok for the international symphonic band and wind ensemble competition.
And as usual, this trip included betrayer to. (Wow, I discovered that the word betrayer exists and grammatically correct, according to dictionary.com).
The betrayer, is a friend who at the end does not deserve to be one. All the evil words he said behind our backs are too much even for us to comprehend.
To advice and give constructive comments in front of your friend, is the right thing to do. But to use someone's behavior, life's decision, or even belief and race to degrade a person behind their back is an unbelievable thing to do.
I am actually really hungry. I need to eat.
Cut it short, the friendship tie with this betrayer will be ended after they all arrive home from Bangkok. We all will deal it like adults, serious and in an almost formal manner.
I need to get a life already and leave this 'friend'.
It's a hot sunny afternoon today. Yesterday it rained, so the weather is really clear.
Perhaps it's just me to feel this kind of weird vacant feeling, knowing that most of our friends have flew to Bangkok for the international symphonic band and wind ensemble competition.
And as usual, this trip included betrayer to. (Wow, I discovered that the word betrayer exists and grammatically correct, according to dictionary.com).
The betrayer, is a friend who at the end does not deserve to be one. All the evil words he said behind our backs are too much even for us to comprehend.
To advice and give constructive comments in front of your friend, is the right thing to do. But to use someone's behavior, life's decision, or even belief and race to degrade a person behind their back is an unbelievable thing to do.
I am actually really hungry. I need to eat.
Cut it short, the friendship tie with this betrayer will be ended after they all arrive home from Bangkok. We all will deal it like adults, serious and in an almost formal manner.
I need to get a life already and leave this 'friend'.
pembentangan kertas makian
ABSTRACT
This paper is written in an unfriendly informal letter format. This paper is to describe about an annoying person who claims himself as a friend but he is the worst traitor I have ever known. Beyond this point, in this paper, this person will be referred as ‘you’. Example:
I want to tell you why we are avoiding you lately.
It’s because you are a fucking ungrateful animal.
CHAPTER 1: You Were Fucking Irresponsibly Late Too
The last time when you had a clarinet practice with these guys, why did you not just go and start the rehearsal since you are so pissed off that we are fucking five minutes late. You hate it when the group gets along together, so I don’t see the reason that you would want to hang out with the group. You said that the rehearsal started late, why do you have to do all this fucking ice breaking nonsense. Go straight to practicing and we adults could do the ice breaking later.
And then it was you who were fucking late on the next practice.
CHAPTER 2: You Talk Big Shit
Why in the world do you still want to ask about my trumpet scores when you already said that you fucking “had it” with me?
Why do you still want to trouble yourself giving a fucking plastic remark to pretend to be concerned about it? I know because you love to pretend that you care. You are indeed a hypocrite fat wild hog.
You said that I am a useless person; who do not want to be serious in my music studies. Just because I personally do not want to follow your butt to Putrajaya. I do not want to be as stupid as to follow every single shit you say, when you yourself do not think seriously before saying or doing something.
Examples. You wanted to have a collaboration with the drama lecturer to do a fucking stupid Moon Dance orchestra musical, and you expect that some miracle can happen to fulfill your ridiculous demands of having the witch to disappear, having outrageous props, and your ideas are all illogical and you yourself do not know how to accomplish them. And you expect the technical and drama department to make them for you.
No wonder the faculty dean laughed at your silly ideas.
It’s like people asking you to play your clarinet by using your fart from your round big wobbly butt. Can you do that? Your brain is so fucking retarded. And how hilarious it is to know that you have not even started with the music part for your dream silly musical. I dedicate this nursery rhythm for you and your fucking Moon Dance:
Hey diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The horrendous fat pig (hey, that’s you! Smile!) dreamt on to jump over the moon.
The little dog laugh, to see such an idiotic fat boar (hey, that’s you! Smile!)
Because that fat moron has a face skin as rough as the moon.
There is another example of your talk big shit ideas but you do nothing but talk shit about people. You fantasize and started to arrange the Kuda Hitam piece centuries ago and it is just left hanging there. Just go and change the piece title to Penulis Lagu ini Ialah Babi Hitam Terbakar Angan-angan Bapok Tua Jenin only lah.
Your angan-angan Babi Jenin actions also has already been applied in your oh so fucked love life. We all just laugh when you so-called confirmed to the whole world that you already cut ties with Ryan. And at the end you go and offer your pathetic life to him again.
You said that I am not serious of doing things, but see yourself. Why didn’t you go and see the shrink when you already told me that you wanted to do so? You are a mad pig, you know. I was really serious when I told you to get a psychiatrist to help you. One day you agreed to do that, but on the next day you did not. Perhaps actually you are a stupid wild boar who is scared that the psychiatrist might discover that you are really a babi kacukan anjing.
The funny thing is, it's up to me to do my music studies or not. It's none of your fucking business to make it sound so serious as if I have affected your already fucked up life because I could not please you to get immediate fucking grade 8 in fucking 6 months.
If I ever want to gain something in music, it's for my own satisfaction, and it's not to be a proof for you to talk big with your smell fucking mouth that it's your so-called effort and contribution to get people good grades in music.
You are a fucking opportunist who is not sincere with your friends. You only want the credits and getting title that you have contributed to anyone's victory, but actually you do not want to be happy for them. You help because you want to be praised. But when people are successful, you will question about their happiness. You are as black hearted and as fat and fucking ugly as Ursula, only that she is an octopus lady but you are a freaking drag wild boar.
CHAPTER 3: Your Mouth Smell Like Rotten Fish
Yes, you also tak sedar diri that you literally have a stinky bad breath although you have money. Because you eat like a pig and you talk bad about people behind their back. A lot of fat people can still be adored, but not for your case, as a fat drag queen cow with mouth busuk macam bangkai. Don't you brush your teeth, you freak?
CHAPTER 4: Constructive Suggestions When You Leave For Good
I have a lot of suggestions for you when you already stay in Thailand. Since the plastic surgery in Thailand is so cheap, and since you are already being plastic at heart, you can first let them pour strong acid to burn the fucking ugly skin on your face. Yeah, the skin has a lot of acne scars; I do not even have to land on the moon to see such a bumpy rough surface with a lot of holes. After the acid, you can let them hit your nose with a hammer and make you turn to something like Michael Jackson.
Like you always talk about plastic surgery, you don’t need to stop eating fatty ice cream in order to be slim. You can eat all the junk that you want, and do a liposuction. You can still eat a lot of junk after that, and do another liposuction. Repeat this until you nearly die, but do not die that soon because there are better ways to kill a very fat pig like you.
Next step is to fulfill the dream that you told people through the MSN. Remember that you wanted to be a lady boy? Of course you do not remember, because you are a big mouth hog that always talk big but keeps forgetting about them. You are worse that ketua kampung jenin or whatever fucking nonsense that you label people.
So, now I am reminding you that you wanted to be a lady boy. You can already cut off the dick and balls that you have been used to fuck a lot of cheap prostitute sex boys including Nueng (I don’t fucking care what the correct spelling is, you fat drag queen), because you don’t need your stinky cock anymore. You wanted to be a lady boy so this would be the right timing. It matches your cheap Poh Kong gold, suitable for your status; an old fat hog who wants to be an old fat lady boy. That’s why I have been supported you to buy gold, because I purely hate you and I want you to waste your money until you do not have anything left.
You do not need surgery to shape up boobs, since you are already humongously fat, therefore already have soggy breasts. You can choose to do another liposuction to remove your gigantic beer belly, but to save budget you can also keep your obese tummy and pretend that you have a baby inside. You can say it out to people; “This is the bastard child of me and the dog that I fucked inside a bush.”
After all, people saw you walking out of the bush before.
CHAPTER 5: You Are a Fucking Racist Beyond Reason to All Races
You always never think when you talk. Once I was talking with someone else via the phone, and you could not reach me. Just because of that, you call me a stupid Malay because I don’t answer your phone, and you have a wide elaboration why I am a stupid Malay; because I don’t have a job and also because I refuse to follow your butt to do music. I am not working because I had to wait for the confirmation of the Bangkok trip, you piece of fat shit.
I don’t care what is your excuse because you just don’t use your fucking brains. Your brain is only to set up strategies to step on everyone, make a plastic face in front of everybody and condemn them behind their backs, and you only think of eating ice cream and you complain that you cannot fit in your pants. Why complain? You are an animal, a wild boar. You don’t need to wear pants. Just walk around naked and show of your ugly dick. After all you are going to snip it off when you already want to be a lady boy in Thailand.
So you think that I am a stupid Malay. And you hate Malaysia so much. You hate Malays, Chinese and Indians as well. Actually you do not deserve to be a Malaysian. You don’t deserve even to have Straits Chinese blood running in you. You don’t even deserve to be a Korean or a Thai. You bring shame to any race.
How come you can be categorized in any human race? You are not human because you act like an animal. Animals do not have brains to think to respect people. Please have your ID amended to: Race/Bangsa: Babi Hutan Hodoh dan Bodoh.
Thailand had a scary political change recently. And they had a sad conflict between the Buddhists and the Muslims. But hey, the worst has yet to come. When you, the ugly demonic fat creature finally set your foot on their land, you are like a scary disease. You will step on everyone and talk bad about people. You will spread gossips and cut friendship ties.
CHAPTER 6: Your Stinky Mouth Likes to Create Fucking Stories
Because of a low ugly idiotic like you, the prominent people of my school orchestra lost their trust on me.
You are unbelievable. You could create lies to show that you are the victim.
Let us track back when all went well and you were recommended to share your knowledge and to coach the school orchestra, and be together with the ex-student cum conductors to aim for one thing: the success and victory of the school orchestra. You were already achieved an agreement with these tutors to improve the band. You coach them the guidelines; the tutors push the players to practice. Regularly these tutors refer to you ideas for the sake of the band and it is up to you to approve or not.
Then things became nonsense. You scolded the tutor for teaching the student conductor, when you yourself fail to teach him properly. You accused that the teaching was wrong and it caused the band to screw up during just one rehearsal; but how come the band was fine at any other time under his conducting? The student conductor just had a slight conducting error, and it was not the tutor’s fault. You are a fucking idiot.
You jump into conclusions and you don’t analyze things before you talk.
Why? Because you tried to act like a human but actually you are a pig.
Go back to your pig sty please.
Once the timing of the band was slowed down during one practice session and you scolded the tutors. It never occurred to you to ask for an explanation. The slowing down is just for one rehearsal to improve the running notes, and they would return to the actual timing once everything is okay. All you know is to be furious and scold everyone. You better throw your human brains into the bin already and replace them with pig brains.
And then you create a lot of wild stories of them having secret practices, and saying that they go against you. You are a paranoid and you are psychotic.
So on the last day during the competition, you really had fun by calling me and add a lot of stories to back stab the tutors. All your bloody complaints gave me a headache and I was stupid for believing you. I told the tutors off, and they were really upset because I did not know the truth. Actually the real culprit is you.
CHAPTER 7: Conclusion
Do you think by just praying in front of the Buddha, you can be happy? No, because you are an evil fat boar. Haven’t you thought that perhaps Buddha rejected your prayers because of the bad things you have done to everyone? Of course not. Because you don't think, you fucking idiot fat cow.
You are a hypocrite. You are a liar. You are happy when people are unhappy. You are like a demon. You don’t deserve to live. I would laugh until I cry if you go and kill yourself now. That’s like a relief to the whole world. Good riddance from another disaster.
You bring bad luck.
Please, commit suicide.
Or don’t you ever step your foot in this country again. Please stay in Thailand and rot there. Don’t disturb us anymore. I have had it with you.
This paper is written in an unfriendly informal letter format. This paper is to describe about an annoying person who claims himself as a friend but he is the worst traitor I have ever known. Beyond this point, in this paper, this person will be referred as ‘you’. Example:
I want to tell you why we are avoiding you lately.
It’s because you are a fucking ungrateful animal.
CHAPTER 1: You Were Fucking Irresponsibly Late Too
The last time when you had a clarinet practice with these guys, why did you not just go and start the rehearsal since you are so pissed off that we are fucking five minutes late. You hate it when the group gets along together, so I don’t see the reason that you would want to hang out with the group. You said that the rehearsal started late, why do you have to do all this fucking ice breaking nonsense. Go straight to practicing and we adults could do the ice breaking later.
And then it was you who were fucking late on the next practice.
CHAPTER 2: You Talk Big Shit
Why in the world do you still want to ask about my trumpet scores when you already said that you fucking “had it” with me?
Why do you still want to trouble yourself giving a fucking plastic remark to pretend to be concerned about it? I know because you love to pretend that you care. You are indeed a hypocrite fat wild hog.
You said that I am a useless person; who do not want to be serious in my music studies. Just because I personally do not want to follow your butt to Putrajaya. I do not want to be as stupid as to follow every single shit you say, when you yourself do not think seriously before saying or doing something.
Examples. You wanted to have a collaboration with the drama lecturer to do a fucking stupid Moon Dance orchestra musical, and you expect that some miracle can happen to fulfill your ridiculous demands of having the witch to disappear, having outrageous props, and your ideas are all illogical and you yourself do not know how to accomplish them. And you expect the technical and drama department to make them for you.
No wonder the faculty dean laughed at your silly ideas.
It’s like people asking you to play your clarinet by using your fart from your round big wobbly butt. Can you do that? Your brain is so fucking retarded. And how hilarious it is to know that you have not even started with the music part for your dream silly musical. I dedicate this nursery rhythm for you and your fucking Moon Dance:
Hey diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The horrendous fat pig (hey, that’s you! Smile!) dreamt on to jump over the moon.
The little dog laugh, to see such an idiotic fat boar (hey, that’s you! Smile!)
Because that fat moron has a face skin as rough as the moon.
There is another example of your talk big shit ideas but you do nothing but talk shit about people. You fantasize and started to arrange the Kuda Hitam piece centuries ago and it is just left hanging there. Just go and change the piece title to Penulis Lagu ini Ialah Babi Hitam Terbakar Angan-angan Bapok Tua Jenin only lah.
Your angan-angan Babi Jenin actions also has already been applied in your oh so fucked love life. We all just laugh when you so-called confirmed to the whole world that you already cut ties with Ryan. And at the end you go and offer your pathetic life to him again.
You said that I am not serious of doing things, but see yourself. Why didn’t you go and see the shrink when you already told me that you wanted to do so? You are a mad pig, you know. I was really serious when I told you to get a psychiatrist to help you. One day you agreed to do that, but on the next day you did not. Perhaps actually you are a stupid wild boar who is scared that the psychiatrist might discover that you are really a babi kacukan anjing.
The funny thing is, it's up to me to do my music studies or not. It's none of your fucking business to make it sound so serious as if I have affected your already fucked up life because I could not please you to get immediate fucking grade 8 in fucking 6 months.
If I ever want to gain something in music, it's for my own satisfaction, and it's not to be a proof for you to talk big with your smell fucking mouth that it's your so-called effort and contribution to get people good grades in music.
You are a fucking opportunist who is not sincere with your friends. You only want the credits and getting title that you have contributed to anyone's victory, but actually you do not want to be happy for them. You help because you want to be praised. But when people are successful, you will question about their happiness. You are as black hearted and as fat and fucking ugly as Ursula, only that she is an octopus lady but you are a freaking drag wild boar.
CHAPTER 3: Your Mouth Smell Like Rotten Fish
Yes, you also tak sedar diri that you literally have a stinky bad breath although you have money. Because you eat like a pig and you talk bad about people behind their back. A lot of fat people can still be adored, but not for your case, as a fat drag queen cow with mouth busuk macam bangkai. Don't you brush your teeth, you freak?
CHAPTER 4: Constructive Suggestions When You Leave For Good
I have a lot of suggestions for you when you already stay in Thailand. Since the plastic surgery in Thailand is so cheap, and since you are already being plastic at heart, you can first let them pour strong acid to burn the fucking ugly skin on your face. Yeah, the skin has a lot of acne scars; I do not even have to land on the moon to see such a bumpy rough surface with a lot of holes. After the acid, you can let them hit your nose with a hammer and make you turn to something like Michael Jackson.
Like you always talk about plastic surgery, you don’t need to stop eating fatty ice cream in order to be slim. You can eat all the junk that you want, and do a liposuction. You can still eat a lot of junk after that, and do another liposuction. Repeat this until you nearly die, but do not die that soon because there are better ways to kill a very fat pig like you.
Next step is to fulfill the dream that you told people through the MSN. Remember that you wanted to be a lady boy? Of course you do not remember, because you are a big mouth hog that always talk big but keeps forgetting about them. You are worse that ketua kampung jenin or whatever fucking nonsense that you label people.
So, now I am reminding you that you wanted to be a lady boy. You can already cut off the dick and balls that you have been used to fuck a lot of cheap prostitute sex boys including Nueng (I don’t fucking care what the correct spelling is, you fat drag queen), because you don’t need your stinky cock anymore. You wanted to be a lady boy so this would be the right timing. It matches your cheap Poh Kong gold, suitable for your status; an old fat hog who wants to be an old fat lady boy. That’s why I have been supported you to buy gold, because I purely hate you and I want you to waste your money until you do not have anything left.
You do not need surgery to shape up boobs, since you are already humongously fat, therefore already have soggy breasts. You can choose to do another liposuction to remove your gigantic beer belly, but to save budget you can also keep your obese tummy and pretend that you have a baby inside. You can say it out to people; “This is the bastard child of me and the dog that I fucked inside a bush.”
After all, people saw you walking out of the bush before.
CHAPTER 5: You Are a Fucking Racist Beyond Reason to All Races
You always never think when you talk. Once I was talking with someone else via the phone, and you could not reach me. Just because of that, you call me a stupid Malay because I don’t answer your phone, and you have a wide elaboration why I am a stupid Malay; because I don’t have a job and also because I refuse to follow your butt to do music. I am not working because I had to wait for the confirmation of the Bangkok trip, you piece of fat shit.
I don’t care what is your excuse because you just don’t use your fucking brains. Your brain is only to set up strategies to step on everyone, make a plastic face in front of everybody and condemn them behind their backs, and you only think of eating ice cream and you complain that you cannot fit in your pants. Why complain? You are an animal, a wild boar. You don’t need to wear pants. Just walk around naked and show of your ugly dick. After all you are going to snip it off when you already want to be a lady boy in Thailand.
So you think that I am a stupid Malay. And you hate Malaysia so much. You hate Malays, Chinese and Indians as well. Actually you do not deserve to be a Malaysian. You don’t deserve even to have Straits Chinese blood running in you. You don’t even deserve to be a Korean or a Thai. You bring shame to any race.
How come you can be categorized in any human race? You are not human because you act like an animal. Animals do not have brains to think to respect people. Please have your ID amended to: Race/Bangsa: Babi Hutan Hodoh dan Bodoh.
Thailand had a scary political change recently. And they had a sad conflict between the Buddhists and the Muslims. But hey, the worst has yet to come. When you, the ugly demonic fat creature finally set your foot on their land, you are like a scary disease. You will step on everyone and talk bad about people. You will spread gossips and cut friendship ties.
CHAPTER 6: Your Stinky Mouth Likes to Create Fucking Stories
Because of a low ugly idiotic like you, the prominent people of my school orchestra lost their trust on me.
You are unbelievable. You could create lies to show that you are the victim.
Let us track back when all went well and you were recommended to share your knowledge and to coach the school orchestra, and be together with the ex-student cum conductors to aim for one thing: the success and victory of the school orchestra. You were already achieved an agreement with these tutors to improve the band. You coach them the guidelines; the tutors push the players to practice. Regularly these tutors refer to you ideas for the sake of the band and it is up to you to approve or not.
Then things became nonsense. You scolded the tutor for teaching the student conductor, when you yourself fail to teach him properly. You accused that the teaching was wrong and it caused the band to screw up during just one rehearsal; but how come the band was fine at any other time under his conducting? The student conductor just had a slight conducting error, and it was not the tutor’s fault. You are a fucking idiot.
You jump into conclusions and you don’t analyze things before you talk.
Why? Because you tried to act like a human but actually you are a pig.
Go back to your pig sty please.
Once the timing of the band was slowed down during one practice session and you scolded the tutors. It never occurred to you to ask for an explanation. The slowing down is just for one rehearsal to improve the running notes, and they would return to the actual timing once everything is okay. All you know is to be furious and scold everyone. You better throw your human brains into the bin already and replace them with pig brains.
And then you create a lot of wild stories of them having secret practices, and saying that they go against you. You are a paranoid and you are psychotic.
So on the last day during the competition, you really had fun by calling me and add a lot of stories to back stab the tutors. All your bloody complaints gave me a headache and I was stupid for believing you. I told the tutors off, and they were really upset because I did not know the truth. Actually the real culprit is you.
CHAPTER 7: Conclusion
Do you think by just praying in front of the Buddha, you can be happy? No, because you are an evil fat boar. Haven’t you thought that perhaps Buddha rejected your prayers because of the bad things you have done to everyone? Of course not. Because you don't think, you fucking idiot fat cow.
You are a hypocrite. You are a liar. You are happy when people are unhappy. You are like a demon. You don’t deserve to live. I would laugh until I cry if you go and kill yourself now. That’s like a relief to the whole world. Good riddance from another disaster.
You bring bad luck.
Please, commit suicide.
Or don’t you ever step your foot in this country again. Please stay in Thailand and rot there. Don’t disturb us anymore. I have had it with you.
the new footwear i got myself
My Camel black leather sandals are so worn off that I really had to buy a new pair. So I went out and this pair of blue sandals is the thing that I bought.
What’s the madness of buying such fugly pair of sandals? Because I have three friends who have a pair of different colors; green, turquoise and pink.
But you guys know me, mine are not Crocs. They are Asadi, at only one tenth of the price of Crocs. With me being unemployed, I can't possibly get a pair of Crocs.
Hik.
i was confused at first and then i am clear
I went for dinner with Z at Subang that Thursday night, and again he paid for the food.
Yeah, it sucks to be unemployed, especially when my loved ones would pay for my food or the movie ticket for me. And definitely when some other people would start to label me as a useless citizen already.
Anyway, Z started to ask me in a very curious almost cynical way, “Why do you like me?” I started to answer in a very decent manner, on Z being a balanced and stable person in all aspects, and not being wild, and that is something that I would want from the other person, rather than having just only looks.
It turned out that Z was a bit disappointed with the answer and Z did not explain why.
At the same time, dad called and told me that my grandmother was seriously ill. She fell on the toilet floor and broke her pelvic bone, and she was warded. Her already weak heart had another attack, her sugar level is really high, and her body had started to stop responding on any drug treatment. The doctor stopped giving any medication to her.
After I rushed back to my apartment to pack my things, Z messaged me.
“Take charge. I like it when you take charge”.
I was worrying on two things at the same time, even when I followed my family to Muar to visit my grandmother at the hospital. I thought of grandmother, and I wondered what Z meant by the message.
I referred to a lot of friends.
Be a dominant top, they said. Be a dominatrix and make every decision your own way.
I do not believe in this. To me, a relationship is where each decision is done to the approval of both sides. I do not want to be like a person who bullies the other in the relationship.
At the ward, that was the second time I saw dad in tears, holding her mother’s arm.
My second aunt told us that the doctor wanted to do a small surgery to clean my grandmother’s blood in order to help her condition to improve. However, there are risks, and as my second aunt wept, she said, “Rather than having mom go through all the pain and at the end she couldn’t make it, it would be better that she go peacefully in one piece”.
My first uncle did not want to approve the surgery as he thought that it is a life supporting thing rather than a normal healing operation.
My dad however said that a family meeting including the involved doctor should be done, because everyone is not really clear what kind of small surgery that the doctor actually suggested.
They had a discussion with the doctor, and it was actually a normal dialysis. Thankfully it was agreed for the dialysis to be done. After the procedure, my grandmother gradually improved.
Dad said something quite meaningful, of a thing that he read.
“It’s a sin to want to die, how difficult it is that you have to go through. If there is a cure to your disease, put effort to cure it, no matter how painful (Lord forbid) it is.”
We went back to Kuala Lumpur on the next afternoon, and I kept on wondering what Z meant. Z even replied my messages less frequent than before.
This is going to be another date that would not last long.
Maybe Z wanted me to be an independent person with a stable career and would ‘take charge’ materially in the relationship. Knowing that I am still unemployed, I am not capable to be a provider in an instant.
Apart of my aunt who kept on pestering me on finding a job, perhaps this is fate’s way of making me realizing that I need to be hired fast.
I arrived my apartment in Damansara with a very heavy heart.
Then one night, while I was in Putrajaya, Z called me. The first thing we were talking about was why we were both a bit silent. Z gave the explanation of being busy.
I did not believe that. I thought Z had a change of heart and gave up because I could not provide.
And then Z told me something. Someone from the past relationship was engaged and Z was really down. And Z asked for a slight assurance that I wouldn’t leave.
After I told my story that I was upset and worried by the message (of asking me to take charge), Z explained; I suddenly comprehend it all.
I do not need to be a dominatrix freak.
I do not need to feel like a loser, because someday I will get a job.
'Taking charge' was actually by assuring Z that I would always be there.
That I am for real.
Yeah, it sucks to be unemployed, especially when my loved ones would pay for my food or the movie ticket for me. And definitely when some other people would start to label me as a useless citizen already.
Anyway, Z started to ask me in a very curious almost cynical way, “Why do you like me?” I started to answer in a very decent manner, on Z being a balanced and stable person in all aspects, and not being wild, and that is something that I would want from the other person, rather than having just only looks.
It turned out that Z was a bit disappointed with the answer and Z did not explain why.
At the same time, dad called and told me that my grandmother was seriously ill. She fell on the toilet floor and broke her pelvic bone, and she was warded. Her already weak heart had another attack, her sugar level is really high, and her body had started to stop responding on any drug treatment. The doctor stopped giving any medication to her.
After I rushed back to my apartment to pack my things, Z messaged me.
“Take charge. I like it when you take charge”.
I was worrying on two things at the same time, even when I followed my family to Muar to visit my grandmother at the hospital. I thought of grandmother, and I wondered what Z meant by the message.
I referred to a lot of friends.
Be a dominant top, they said. Be a dominatrix and make every decision your own way.
I do not believe in this. To me, a relationship is where each decision is done to the approval of both sides. I do not want to be like a person who bullies the other in the relationship.
At the ward, that was the second time I saw dad in tears, holding her mother’s arm.
My second aunt told us that the doctor wanted to do a small surgery to clean my grandmother’s blood in order to help her condition to improve. However, there are risks, and as my second aunt wept, she said, “Rather than having mom go through all the pain and at the end she couldn’t make it, it would be better that she go peacefully in one piece”.
My first uncle did not want to approve the surgery as he thought that it is a life supporting thing rather than a normal healing operation.
My dad however said that a family meeting including the involved doctor should be done, because everyone is not really clear what kind of small surgery that the doctor actually suggested.
They had a discussion with the doctor, and it was actually a normal dialysis. Thankfully it was agreed for the dialysis to be done. After the procedure, my grandmother gradually improved.
Dad said something quite meaningful, of a thing that he read.
“It’s a sin to want to die, how difficult it is that you have to go through. If there is a cure to your disease, put effort to cure it, no matter how painful (Lord forbid) it is.”
We went back to Kuala Lumpur on the next afternoon, and I kept on wondering what Z meant. Z even replied my messages less frequent than before.
This is going to be another date that would not last long.
Maybe Z wanted me to be an independent person with a stable career and would ‘take charge’ materially in the relationship. Knowing that I am still unemployed, I am not capable to be a provider in an instant.
Apart of my aunt who kept on pestering me on finding a job, perhaps this is fate’s way of making me realizing that I need to be hired fast.
I arrived my apartment in Damansara with a very heavy heart.
Then one night, while I was in Putrajaya, Z called me. The first thing we were talking about was why we were both a bit silent. Z gave the explanation of being busy.
I did not believe that. I thought Z had a change of heart and gave up because I could not provide.
And then Z told me something. Someone from the past relationship was engaged and Z was really down. And Z asked for a slight assurance that I wouldn’t leave.
After I told my story that I was upset and worried by the message (of asking me to take charge), Z explained; I suddenly comprehend it all.
I do not need to be a dominatrix freak.
I do not need to feel like a loser, because someday I will get a job.
'Taking charge' was actually by assuring Z that I would always be there.
That I am for real.
a dedication
I could really relate with the lyrics of this famous song.
I dedicate it to that special one.
Jalan pernah takut ku tinggalkan
Saat bintang tak mampu lagi berdendang
Saat malam menjadi terlalu dingin
Hingga pagi tak seindah biasanya
Takkan mungkin kita bertahan
Hidup dalam bersendirian
Panas terik hujan badai
Kita lalui bersama
Saat hilang arah tujuan
Kau tahu ke mana berjalan
Meski terang meski gelap
Kita lalui bersama
Ku tak bisa merubah yang telah terjadi
Tapi aku akan menjanjikan yang terbaik
Agar kita tak pernah menjadi jadi
Meski beza dermaga untuk kita berlabuh
Pernah kita jatuh
Mencuba berdiri
Menahan saki dan menangis
Tapi erti hidup lebih dari itu
Dan kita mencuba melawan
Takkan mungkin kita bertahan
Hidup dalam bersendirian
Panas terik hujan badai
Kita lalui bersama
short enough to stop u from being bored
Clashes between ideology and belief have already occurred since millions of years ago until now.
In the West, people who practiced wizardry were tortured and killed because they are blasphemious.
In India, widows were burnt to death in bonfire, so as to make them ‘follow’ their dead husbands in the after life.
At several points in the world, there would be people who are continuously running away from being killed because they converted out of Islam.
And close to home, I heard stories of people being beaten and almost being slayed by a parang, because it is discovered that they are gay.
Perhaps the world is struggling to push from all sides to create a balance that would actually never happen.
Perhaps unfairness is fair.
i got a day bed!
All best wishes to our friend, pakar saintis who have already entered Australia yesterday. She is doing her masters in Brisbane.
A few days ago, pakar saintis had to give away her furniture before she fly off. She handed down her whole bed to me, and it was something that I needed to change the interior of the hall.
I have decided to put away the old rattan couch and replace it with a ‘daybed’.
The thick red dusty carpet is also removed and being replaced with a new stripey laid back rug.
I also bought myself a new curtain for my bedroom. And it is actually a shower curtain, and I bought it at fifteen bucks. Since my friend gave me her whole bed, I used the comfortable Ikea Sultan mattress and mattress protector in my room. My own mattress has already been put out to the hall, on the 'day bed'. I had never pictured myself sleeping on a luxurious spring mattress before, and now I can do it every night!
I gambled by creating a décor theme of colorful pallette at the hall, and thank goodness the cushions, carpet and all do comply each other very well.
I don’t have any idea what is the exact name of the theme. American country? Not country enough. Retro? Not enough pattern.
Maybe I can call it as “Masters with Flying Colors”. Haha.
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