gleeee

I had a good swim in the Sunday afternoon and decided to go and take a walk at Petaling Street. It seem that today there were no pirated CDs anymore to be seen, and the fake bags were so fake, you won’t be interested to buy them. However the jeans were nice. You can get one rugged pair of jeans for about forty bucks. There were jeans sold at 29.90 too, but they are a bit on the plain side.

Anyway as I walk back to my bike, I feel so at peace looking and listening to the surroundings of China Town that afternoon.

When you appreciate the difference of people with respect and sincerity, you’ll find peace. Judging is actually the job of God, and err.. yeah, the judge. We won’t be doing much good when we judge. By giving up judging, it doesn't mean we have to agree. It doesn't mean we have to condone. It doesn't mean we have to be the same as everyone else. It only means that we see people through unconditional love. In the name of humanity.

Back to the walking around China Town-

Distant sound of church bells.

A CD shop playing Chinese orchestra.

People of all sort of races; including the Caucassian tourists.

And the view of an Indian temple, standing strong for years. Took out my phone and took a snap.



Whoops~ the car behind me honked. Time to move!

the unfinished work drives the mind to keep on being alive

I am here in the office and it’s raining heavily outside.

My colleague left the office earlier; he must be on the highway now towards the main campus to fetch his wife.

Anyway. It would have been better if it’s sunny outside and I can go back earlier and take a nap, but that is not the case. So I am going to write another journal of my life while waiting for the rain to stop.

Regardless that I am feeling a little bit sleepy (I am trying to get used to waking up at five everyday), it’s such a fine day today.

In the morning, I woke up and practiced my trumpet. I was pleasantly surprised that one of the songs that I thought was difficult to play, was quite easy once I get the hang of it. The title is “Tambourine”, composed by Adolf Hasse, rearranged for trumpet and piano by Robin de Smet. With constant practice, this will definitely be in my collection of the pieces that I can use to perform.

At work, didn’t choose to go far during lunch hour (normally it would be road tax renewal, or shopping at MegaMall, etc). I was maintaining all 25 computers with my colleague at the medical lab, no rush, just being in my work without stress.

But the nicest thing was the conversation between me and one of the medical lecturer who has his own idea on how the lab should be- utilizing the technology to the maximum, to have it at par with the latest environment internationally. Things like three dimentional graphics of specimen, virtual anatomy, and robotic surgery was discussed.

The thing that I like about this lecturer is that he believes and looks into possibilities. By that, in his life he keeps moving on.

Another view that he has is that when we look forward into what we really want to do in life, and direct ourselves to that aim, we can learn on how to give up the significance of the weight of the things that we have to go through first before reaching there. Because in fact when we see clearly what we want in life- we are actually already there.

I shared my possibility of being a professional trumpet player and that opened up many things. He requested me to give my whole complete vitae to him- what I have achieved, what is my passion, and what I want in life. He has contacts, and I am not going to stop trying to expand myself.

What I feel now is a sense of confidence, being brave and a stand with my passion in life, and feeling free to have the world know what I am up to.

A lot of further possibilities would come to me if I just continue being in action.

By the way, the title above in green, is profoundly said by the medical professor.
Yeah. I am not done yet...

this is what i want in life.

Despite of the existence of skepticism, doubt and uncertainty in the logical world,
I am still moving on with this sweetest aim that I have in life-

To be a world class trumpet player.

I know it’s huge and unimaginable, but to have this unimaginable dream is something that keeps me going on. And on. And on.

I am constantly reminded that this is a very rough route and I do not have that much time.
At the same time I am also given with priceless advice and guide to open up the alternative routes that I can choose to reach to that unimaginable level as a trumpeter.

You can’t get such consultation anywhere. Critics and comments is the best guidance actually- out of concern and care from individuals around me. I should now listen to opinions and advice in the context of how it would bring me forward.

Really, I have no time to feel discouraged. Time is limited! Either I keep on in action, or I just sell off my trumpet for good. No way am I going to do the latter.

I have now put myself to practice my trumpet at least half an hour per day- rain or shine, fresh or sleepy, happy or sad. Basically I am putting my practice schedule after I wake up around 6 am after Subuh, just before I do my morning work out. Should I wake up late, then I will have to restore my practice in the evening.

I am now looking into how I can get good scores besides mastering the scores that I’ve already got in hand. The type of music sheet that I would prefer are the light and lyrical ones, if not popular, so that they would suit with small shows that I am looking forward to perform; either as an individual solo or playing duet with a pianist.

Besides that, I would regularly update and share with the people around me of what I have done so far. By that, I would have myself constantly on track to what I really want in life- getting to a level unimaginable with my trumpet.

Friends, please bless me.

ups and downs- this might be one of his downs

One of the hottest issues being spread in the Malaysian mass media is Faizal Tahir, the singer who did some out of the ordinary acts on stage; being topless and all. (Personally I don't give a damn, although he needs to cut out those loose fat).

The public was informed that due to his action, there is a ban being given to TV stations for three months, and he himself was being banned from a lot of stuff including singing in the anticipated Anugerah Juara Lagu program.

Comments being given by people were such as “He doesn’t learn his lesson”, “He deserves worse punishment”, and “He tarnished the image of nasyid group, considering that he was a former nasyid singer”.

How I first spotted Faizal Tahir was when he got second place in the One In a Million singing contest. I honestly think that his vocals caught my attention.

Despite that, his current mistake really caused an uproar in the whole society.
I do understand that to people’s point of view, he appears arrogant, not likeable, and went overboard.

But inside me I can’t help saying that, yeah, people do make mistakes, and people do repeat them. Faizal Tahir’s mistakes made him received a very strong punishment by the TV stations, the government and the judgment of the public.

I just think it’s about time people re-think. Pressure has already been put onto this potential singer, and we might kill something which is actually good inside, and we are left with pretentious singers who did more wrong in their life, and in the first place their vocal and music quality is not good after all.

Hopefully Faizal Tahir will learn through his mistakes and don’t give up enliving his passion.

walls

Not walls as in the ice cream Walls.
But the walls made of brick and cement which are a part of your house.


Yeah... what's with this colorful pallette of walls (that look more like Paddle Pop than Walls)....?




To be revealed soon...

safari! safari! safari!

Note: this is a verrrrrrry belated post.

It was drizzling when we arrived at Melaka Zoo.
But we went anyway because we’ve sort of planning and waiting for the best weekend to do this trip. Furthermore, so far that I remembered, I never experienced going to the zoo before. Thanks to Bibik who invited me and Mama Diva, now I can say I’ve been to one!

Of course we divas have to withstand the uncomfortable humidity and heat inside a place full of animals and trees, but it was worth for the fun.



Real life troll?



Walking dried durian?



Eh who put this Toys R Us giraffe here?



Not-so-pink flamingo.



Don’t let it trample on you.



In this photo, the bird looks small. But actually the grills of the cage themselves are thick and huge, and this bird is humungous. Sigh. I always trying so hard to explain and convince people why birds seem small but actually they are huge. People can only believe when they see the real thing :P (What lah am I mumbling about? Mumbler!)



Imagine if these horns attack a forte.



Just like a painting.


Mama Lion.



Tigers and lions are so spoilt. Others had to stay in cages or glass boxes, but they got to live in a LANDSCAPE.

deep intro but blonde at the end.

Before showering your love to the others, love yourself first.
That’s a profound advice that my friend told me recently.
What could be defined as loving yourself-
Is to know that you can be responsible in all situations, the high and the low.

Of course it’s sweet to expect for the other to show that they care for me.
But it’s even better if I can look into what could I give rather than just receiving.

Learning to get fulfillment from the experience of contributing to people, without demanding anything from the receiver is the type of happiness that no one could steal from you. It gives you this sense that you are using your life beyond yourself as a single person, but as a part of the network around you.

I can start contributing just by being with them, get their world and feel what they feel. Defending my own point of view is not significant, because, hey, everyone has different opinions.

Before giving love to the others, you must love yourself first.
Since I am so much in love with myself, I bought myself something special.
Is it a gratitude for myself that I have reached to a certain level in life?
Is it a symbol of the independence that I am now able to grasp and make use of in life?
Is it a sign of power of myself who is already running my engines in life?

It’s just a piece of white gold ring.




Haha told you. Deep intro but blonde at the end.

let's go green

Inspired by Joery's blog, I decided to make balcony go green again.

I used to have an assam jawa bonsai (that I planted from seed) but it died because I keep on forgetting to water my plants.

Then there is my jasmine three, which survived my negligence, and now starting to grow shoots...



And then there is this special tiny bonsai tree that Bibik gave me for my graduation. Such a nice gift! This miniature prefers to stay indoors most of the time because the leaves will turn yellow and fall if it keeps on being exposed to the hot sun.



And I've bought two more bonsai trees, from Ikea, when suddenly they just pop out for the coming Chinese New Year.



Very nice!



Looks like ginseng plant.

So these are the four bonsai living happily in my house :P

occasions

"Sweet serving"

Mango longan for dessert after eating Middle East food with my family for dinner.
The food was so nice, I was busy eating so I didn't take too many shots- only this dessert when I finally slowed down.




"The diva march"

Hanging out with my friends and dance all night long is so much fun.
Taken at Jln Sultan Ismail on a Friday night.




"Celebrating a sister"

These twenty red roses were bought for 13ringgit.
They are sold untreated, along with the leaves and the verrry long stalks.
After a fun time plucking away the leaves and cutting the stalks together with mom,
and also the experience of having my fingers bleed being pierced by the thorns,
We put these twenty roses nicely in a glass vase to surprise my sister who was sleeping, after the jet lag back from New Zealand.

now i get the bigger view

Through out having my life continuously shift, I initiate it by doing enrollment conversation. The format is somewhat like this:

::Saying out where I have pretended, when actually it was not the real thing going into my head- (it could be anything: my plans in life, my job or even my relationships) Eg: I pretended that I am hardworking but I actually force myself to do this, or I pretend that I’m okay when you did that but actually I am not

::Give up those things which were going in my head (because it’s not the ultimate truth- opinions can be seen as true and false at the same time) Eg: I give up that I say I am forcing myself doing this, or I give up making a big fuss of what you did.

::Instead of having those drama in my head, I can shift my view and see what would make a difference for myself, the situation and the people close to me- and have them inspired and touched by that shift.

I’ve done this many many times, and I admit it that there are moments people around me were not inspired and even got it wrongly and feel offended.

I told dear dear Z about my experience not able to have my friends feel inspired and touched. I also told my seminar mates.

And they all said, there are times that people will feel enrolled, and there are times when they don’t feel inspired. Enrollment conversation needs practice. And now I see that it was not only me who experienced a breakdown while doing enrollment- all of them had some breakdown themselves- including dear dear Z. He tried to enroll his father, but his father got really hurt and offended- since he accepted it the other way round.

But that shouldn’t make us stop enrolling. Instead, I can look into what’s missing when I did an enrollment that ended up making people feel uncomfortable with me.

And then one of the seminarians- this gentle Malay lady, told me something that I did not see before this.

“Consider that the way your friends react to you- as a clue for you to think what’s missing. Consider that when your friends feel offended, awkward, and uncomfortable, they don’t feel love and compassion from what you said. Consider that eventhough you said that you wanted to make a difference- what’s missing is that you did not say it totally based on love and compassion.”

Now I got it why I was stuck! When initially I wanted to make a difference, I slip into making them wrong, and trying to fix them, and making myself look good and look better than them, just because I have this Landmark Education tools and they don’t. That’s not the intention of the whole education! I can use it properly instead of abusing it just to make myself right and make them wrong for not being inspired.

I have been repeating the actions trying to fix, and fix, and fix, and fix- but now I can say- stop! It’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with what happened. What happened just happened. No meaning attached.

So, it goes back to me.
Do I want to be responsible with what I said to my friends? Yes.
Do I want to see that it’s okay that they were not inspired and they didn’t get me? Yes.
Do I want to be generous to give space and time for them to feel better? Yes.
Do I want to give up trying to fix them? Yes.

Why? Because at the end, there is nothing wrong with them.
There’s nothing that needs to be fixed.
Because they are precious and I love them all.
Sigh~ I feel so free…

have you renewed your road tax?

Today, 16th of January, is the day my bike road tax expires. I’ve already paid a bike shop to get it renewed but they only managed to renew only my bike insurance.

Why?

Because my bike is blacklisted by the police.

I tried to recall, and I checked my record through the internet.
The traffic summon that had me blacklisted was given by a cop, since I was caught not using the troublesome motor lane and I dengan konfidennya used the highway instead. (That was at the Federal Highway just before Hilton if you are curious about the location.)

This whole thing made me panic.
First, traffic summons are not normally cheap. Ratus-ratus you know!
Second, the fine that was granted on me by the abang police was dated on last year, in June.

The thought ringing in my head-

I’m going to have to scratch all my savings and I will humiliate myself entering the court because my fine due date is WAY expired.

So as I was being in my own worry,
I tried to look it the other way round.
It doesn’t mean that my money is going to finish and I won’t get money forever.
It doesn’t mean that my reputation would be affected just because of me having to enter the court.

What works for now is that I can just go directly to the traffic police station and check with them. There is always a first step to make things settled and not to make things go worse- despite that I have this fear of what may come next.

Just play it like a game, and use whatever steps that could be taken in the game- instead of just sitting there worrying and doing nothing.

I thank myself for taking action to at least go to the summon counter- because now I know that I only need to pay 80 bucks and it’s all settled.

So much of worrying, huh?

family ties don't die

Last week, mom called.
She informed me about dad’s suggestion to bring us all out for a nice dinner in a shop that serves Middle Eastern food.

I was surprised that everyone was there.
There was my sister who finally came back from New Zealand with her business degree. She’s planning to fly back there to continue her studies.
And my current “runaway” brother was also there too, obeying with my dad’s request to come.
And mom and dad, who are now really in good terms.

It was the full set, all eight of us in the family, and the food is really nice too.

When I totally open myself to accept my family the way they are and they way they are not, it initiated me to change my communication with them. And that slowly gives a space to create a sense of relatedness between my family members. It's really like a chain effect, one leading to another.

You see, people are resigned when it comes to accept and be responsible in all relationships- including how we are related to our family members. I’ve been there too. I was resigned and I scoff when I see that other families are united, because I did not believe that mine is united and would never be.

And then I learned to give up putting meanings and labels to my family, regardless of anything that happened in the past years- because they happened and it doesn’t mean anything. And when I see that it’s possible that my family is already united- and yeah, it’s true, they have already been united in a unique way, fighting through the obstacles in this ship called family.

And it seems that all of a sudden-
We are having a dinner together- all eight of us, having laughter all through the night.

Thank God. I am grateful that I am able to grasp the Landmark conversation- perhaps this is the path that He showed for me to embrace reality.

P/S: My family is moving out to a nicer house- time to throw old unused junk and pretty the new home!!

hero and angel

Can't help but posting this photo. I love my family. All of them.

you know what? just scrape that off

The posting before this was just a learning experience for me.
Dear dear Z was so good in detecting that I was not totally free of my upset.
What I really saw is that my posting before this is just an act of struggle- trying to defend myself, as a result of making myself wrong for not able to deliver my message to everyone close to me (resulting that they MIGHT feel fear, weird, uncomfortable and resigned of my breakthroughs).

Am I a failure? No. The person who gave me life in this world- my mom, she totally got that I am a changed person. And there are also a few friends that got me too.

I now give up making the “failure” as something so significant to myself, because there's something more significant beyond that. The intention is not about the message being delivered- but my commitment in giving space for people to be supported and appreciated- whenever they need it from me. Yeah, that includes you too. And one tip that pakar scientist gave me about having people to feel appreciated, is by not force- but by just allowing them to be themselves.

I declare that in myself, this issue is now closed- and I can see that it's always possible for me to go all out with my intentions- but not making it so significant if I get an outcome that I do not like.

After all, life is just a game!

disagreement?

After stepping into looking at a new view in life,
I get a lot of response from the people around me.
Sometimes I see that they are happy with my improvement.
Sometimes I see that they feel weird with my change in life.
Sometimes they agree, sometimes they disagree.
Sometimes they even wonder why did I join the seminar in the first place.

Well for a start, this whole education works for me.
I could not imagine if I did not enter it-
Perhaps I will linger for another few years looking high and low for the PERFECT job,
instead of trying on taking the offer as an IT assistant.

Imagine me without doing Landmark- I would have say NO to IT related jobs, I would say NO to graduation, I would say that my family is a total wreck, I would even say that God is unfair for making me gay. And I would feel miserable because I wasn't lucky for not getting a music degree and get a useless computer degree instead.

And I would continue judging people and not accepting them- and in the end I would blame them and blame life- I would say that life sucks. I did not asked to be born after all.

Those kinds of "being" that I mentioned above- might be the predicted future that I will have- if not for the seminar education that I entered.

Clearly, the things that I got for myself are as below:

a) Right now, as a changed person, I can really see that life is not about being limited and restricted. Life is all about choices. I can choose to be human and remain upset, and I can do that because that's what I chose. I can also choose to take the risk of taking that new job offer- or just choose to stay happily with what I have.

I now see that all decisions have their own sets of impact. By seeing this and accepting it- I can live in reality and not feeling stuck.

b) Also by seeing that all decisions have its own impact, I can be responsible to it, and whatever happens, I can give up my upset and make it less significant to myself. Things happen, and they happen. What makes a difference is that how I act upon it- including seeking advice from everyone else.


c) I can start wholly looking at people the way they are and they way they are not. I can also accept that people will agree or disagree with me- there's nothing wrong about it.


d) By learning to accept people the way they are and the way they are not, I can continuously give up labeling them and love them with all that I can. I can listen them to their point of view, and if I don't agree or don't condone it- it doesn't matter, it's just they way it is- we have difference in opinions, that's all. Nobody is right or wrong in this matter. The first intention is that I can start learn to be with them, and just allowing them to be themselves.

So. Yeah, I can see clearly that I get a lot in life throughout the proccess. And I am commited that will continously get those breakthroughs.

But if you stil disagree- it's okay, I accept that- in life, disagreements exist. :)

pictures of eve 2007

"Eclipse"
-Jln Sultan Ismail




"Man-made Nature"
-Putrajaya Bridge




"Maze"
-staircase at workplace




"Office Landscape"
-taken in Putrajaya




"Warm Celebration"
-taken at ino akari's condo




"PJ Skyline"
-taken from my workplace




"In Between"
-taken on Putrajaya-KL Highway

thank you for dedicating this for me.

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry cause
Everything gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights

I don't worry cause
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try
Try to divide
Something so real
So till the end of time
I'm telling you that

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what i feel for you

-No One, Alicia Keys

hair care: just spreading the good news

Having very thin hair and sensitive scalp that would have a high tendency of getting dandruff; I keep on finding the safest product to use on my hair.

I always do the spikey out-of-bed look. In order to do that, I need to use hair wax. The criteria that I would look for is something that:

::::Has the strength to maintain the spikey hairdo

::::Not too dry and won’t make my hair end up like a funny bob in the middle

::::Won’t irritate the scalp so that I won’t end up scratching it and make it go flaky

::::Can be washed off easily by regular shampooing

It’s hard to get one which fulfill all the above, because hair wax is normally dry, hard and would definitely make my head itch. I don’t like you know!

Until I found this brown colored hair wax from Mandom, that I found in Seven Eleven in Singapore. It’s very affordable, less than fifteen ringgit I think. And it nourishes the hair too.

But the trouble is that once I finished one jar of hair wax, I need to go Singapore because they don’t have it here. As if I am Paris Hilton can go Singapore every day lah.

Anyway, I invested some money (sixty ringgit) to buy this product from The Natural Source. It’s a product from Australia but you can get it even in MegaMall Midvalley. Comparing the price and the quality and quantity (it’s quite a big jar), I think it’s just worth buying.



Normally this High Shine Hair Shaper is used to maintain the curls of girls who have long colored perm hair. But if you have very very short hair like mine, this product can act as a hair wax. Just enough strength to shape my hair, rich in natural contents to make my hair go healthy. And my hair smells like candy too.

technology

How technology have evolved after fifteen years.
Have you seen this typical type of transistor radio in the eighties?
The one which has a manual tuner that you turn slowly to get the most probable exact frequency signal for your favorite radio channel.

I used to play with my father's transistor (he has a better hi-fi during those years) and sometimes I could get the crackling distant sounds of a foreign station, somewhere beyond the country. No idea exactly from where though. It was a little excitement of a small boy who hasn't discovered much that he is gay.

Anyway, see how the world already changes! Now you can easily get to listen to any radio channel overseas through the internet.

For those who want to have a try on how Bangkok current music is, click on the link below:

http://www.mthai.com/radio.php?channel=930

Channels which are good: Hot Wave (91.5) and Green Wave (106.5).

a new breath of 2008

Year 2007 was indeed exhilarating.

My stepping in Singapore for the Landmark Forum was a start of how I changed my view in life. It made my life started afresh- empty and ready to be written with new experiences.

My highest passion in life- playing my trumpet, was regenerated and I could view it with unlimited possibilities. Throughout the year, this view goes down and it grows again- and that’s just what life is.

I was struggling in finding ways on getting a job, and soon I’ve learnt that to act is more effective than to react. I did not manage to totally put away the feeling of being useless and lose of power, but I discovered that I could actually take action and try on doing part time jobs and move forward from there.

I experienced being shouted at by a very important client in the office and I managed to handle the situation, although after that I felt really really bad. But that’s okay- I was just starting to learn to be powerful in life.

Swimming in my uncertainty, I still managed to give up all doubts and take on teaching one private trumpet student, and take on trumpet lessons by a professional orchestra player, in the name of keeping my trumpet music passion in existence.

I experienced struggle in accepting my current job the way it is, and I was stuck with my upsets for not having enough time for my trumpet practices and swimming as my second hobby for fitness purposes. I could see that through clear communication with my colleague, I finally get to be at peace with my job, and I can see ways to have it all- my job and also the time for myself. It feels so free and easy when I could see that I am not restricted to only one method to get what I want.

I also discovered my purpose in life- to empower people to be at peace and give them a choice to decide. I do admit that the charter dies as time goes by, but I see that some parts of it remain subconsciously through the actions that I take.

By seeing what works and by speculating what will open up in the future for me, I take on choosing to detach myself from my father’s regular financial support, for me to be on track in taking the next leap to be independent and to expand myself in life. By trying on being independent, I can see what I can do to get a better pay, and support myself to develop my long term plan in living up my possibility as a world class level trumpeter to the max.

And as a final closure of the year 2007, I experienced something that took me to be powerful to another level. I went through a breakdown along with dear dear Z when he was reselecting all the items in his life- based on what he really wants and what he is really willing to do. I experienced the verge of a break up after a one year relationship, and in that point I got the chance to learn how to be powerful and at the same time to empower the special person who had been empowering and supporting me for one whole year.

What revealed to me is that I see choices: I could dwell in my worries of a future of loneliness and lose of support- or I can choose to be selfless and see what works. A relationship with pretence is worse than having no relationship at all. And at the end; I will always be related to dear dear Z; regardless in any form of it. And I can choose to be commited to a profound relationship- whether we are life partners, lovers, or close friends. Ultimately my actions will be through love, nonetheless.

All in all, my whole one year experience had given me the choice of accepting what I am, how I function with my thoughts, and acknowledge my upsets. I can be with it, and I can choose to leap out of it in an instance, to see where I am not authentic, and to see what works.

If I see that I fall into anger, irritation, being reactivated and snap into saying something which doesn’t make any difference, I can acknowledge myself being human, and I can choose to restore my integrity to liven up my possibility as the cause of peace to the people around me. I can always say clearly on how I feel to the other person involved, and see what can be done instead of making anybody wrong.

I can also see that I can continuously put my possibilities and dreams in existence, and see what the next step for each moment. Should I see that I am stuck or in the comfort zone, I don’t need to blame anyone including myself at all- because there’s nothing wrong with it. Blaming and guilt is just the meanings of the occurrence- I can strip those meanings away, and think beyond it.

I anticipate 2008 for more experience to come.
I can always have the choice of taking ownership of it, being hungry of the breakdowns for the breakthroughs, and always have my possibilities in existence.

May God always be with me. Amen.